![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 60. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 15:01:42
If I could feel any worse, well I have hit bottom now. My session was horrible today. I couldn't come up with a list of my horrible memoires. I have so many, they are all pretty bad, how do I pick just one? So I asked him if I could go with a feeling instead? He said now, it had to be a memory. He keep what felt like pressuring me, and I was feeling worse, like such a failare I can't do anything right. Then he raised his voice to me, and that totally freaked me out, I got scared. I started to cry. I told him to stop yelling at me! He said I wasn't yelling at you. I said you raised your voice. He said he did because I wasn't listening to him, I was saying the same thing over and I wasn't hearing him and he got fruterated with me. He said he probably shouldn't have done that. For the first time I just wanted to leave right then, but I couldn't. I even took 2 xanax before I went to calm my nerves.
Then somehow we talked about relationship after I calmed down, about me being frusterated with him too and telling him off before too. Well I said I was sorry I am not perfect, I am f*cked up.
I just keep crying softly. My safety just went away right before my eyes. I told him he scared me and he said maybe he shouldn't have done that.
Then we talked more about our relationship. I told him it felt like he hated me. He mentioned about rasing his voice to his daughter or wife, it doesn'tmean he he hates them. So I said, so you still like me? Then he said he thought that was a strange question.
Then I got the punched in the gut with his comments. He said he like me, but it was different than with other in his personal life. He doesn't think about his clients outside the office and that he doesn't worry about them like he would his friends. He said he wouldn't go to my funeral. He had a client die a few weeks ago, and he didn't go then. I understand the difference, but to say you don't care? So I am just a number. I gotta go, I will post more about what happened next and my phone call terminating. I am just soo upset.
Posted by Honore on August 6, 2007, at 15:38:52
In reply to I am so hurt, I told my T I am not coming back, posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 15:01:42
Slugdoo, your T's comments sound so strange and out of place in a therapy relationship, I can't imagine what possessed him to say such things. They sound cruel and uncalled for, extremely.
If he says things like that to you, no matter what the frustration, he needs to rethink how he carries out therapy-- those comments sound much more like what someone says impetuously (and insensitively) in a personal relationship than a therapeutic one. Does he understand the responsibility and the approach he needs to have, of being careful and aware of your needs and limitations?
Could there have been some reason he was really off, today-- perhaps some internal pressure that made him fly off the handle?
He seems to have lost control in a very mean way. Can you can find a way of seeing that it's not your responsibility or wrongness that led him to behave so badly.? Because it isn't that at all. Those things aren't things I would say to anyone, much less someone I had commitments and responsibilities to and for.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
(((Slugdoo)))
Honore
Posted by LadyBug on August 6, 2007, at 15:54:15
In reply to I am so hurt, I told my T I am not coming back, posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 15:01:42
(((((Slugdoo)))))
I'm shocked to hear what he said to you and that he raised his voice to you. WHY would the person we trust the most do this? I am so sorry of your pain. I'm pretty sure I'd want to terminate too, but then knowing my sensible self, I'd want to go and say goodbye face to face.
I'm hurting today too, probably as much as you are. I keep getting more and more bad news and I can't take it.
I want you to know I care about you. I really do, you are a good person and you have done some amazing things.
I'm mad at your T for you. He had no business telling you he never thinks about his patient's outside of his office and never worries about them either. Makes me wonder if that's just how they train to do their jobs so they can have a life too.
But my T has told me of several ocassions when she's layed in bed and wodered if she could have handled something differently with me or what she could say to me. She tells me of certain songs she hears she thinks of me. But is that sh** too, just to make it sound good???
Who knows anymore about anything.
Peace and Love-don't go away, I'd miss you, let me know how you are doing, I will worry about you.
LadyBug
Posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 16:49:12
In reply to I am so hurt, I told my T I am not coming back, posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 15:01:42
I guess I am so upset I don't know what to say other than what happened ( I am starting to numb myself from feeling now).
He said he will think about if I should do EMDR, if I should open that can of worms right now. He told me to think about it, he will too.I asked him if he didn't want to work with me anymore. He asked why I always think that? uggghhh!
I was crying okay, sometime hard, sometimes silently and he never offered to comfort me, didn't even give me a kleenex. I don't even know where they are, I haven't needed them before.I know I am forgetting stuff, but I felt so unsafe, so judged by him. and a piece of crap.
We sort of left okay, he told me he had a doctors appointment so he had to go and get a EKG done. I asked if he will be all right and he said yes. I said I sure didn't help you today and he said well you didn't hurt me either for Ekg.
When I walked out the door, he said "there is nothing like a good cry". I wanted to die, I never hardly ever cry ever. He knows that. I did last session during the EMDR attempt (1st time) BUt he how could he make light of me crying? I told him I hated him when I walked out. He said something about that being critical, and I said I know, I said it on purposes.Then several hours later, I am what a complete jerk!
First tells me he doesn't care about me or think about me outside of session.
2nd raises his voice to me out of frustration
3rd makes light of crying.I told him on the phone that knowing he cared is what made me reach out to him especially during the hard time. I learned to trust him. And now I can add him to the list of the people who don't care about me in my lifetime.
I said how can I do the deepest work with you knowing you don't care about me.
And I never hardly cry, and then you made light of that? I told him I will find out somebody else or I will just give up comletely on my problems. I told him I thought about not showing up again, but I will at least give him a notice because I am not a cold hearted robot. I then said goodbye with tears in my voice.Icould I be so stupid to trust him? Now I am hurting and he feels nothing, I am nobody to him, he can just forgot me. I feel like he had died. I would at least go to his funeral if he had one, but he doesn't even care if I die.
Posted by LadyBug on August 6, 2007, at 17:31:36
In reply to More, posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 16:49:12
I'm glad you wrote more. I checked back just to check on you. My T has a box of kleenex right by the love seat I sit on. I don't have to look for a box and he should have offered one to you.
I'm sitting here shaking my head in dis-belief at what he said to you. What was his change today? Why pay to listen to that? We go to our T for support and to learn how to grow. We need to trust them and need to believe they care about us, and yes love us. He's been good to you over all. That makes this session so strange. He has some redeeming to do! Will you give him the chance? Or does this just hurt too much to even go there with him again. I'm so sorry, I hope this works out.
A social worker I took my daughter to last week told her and I that things will work themselves out and they have already started. I felt comfort in that as I have so many worries going on right now. Things do have a way of working out, not that it's ever easy, but things tend to pass in life. I hope this pain passes over for you and that you and your T can figure this out together. I'd be livid!
Again love and peace,
LadyBug
Posted by sunnydays on August 6, 2007, at 18:06:58
In reply to I am so hurt, I told my T I am not coming back, posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 15:01:42
It doesn't sound like he said he didn't care to me. It sounds like he may have chosen his words poorly, but it sounds like he cares very much. He was just pointing out the boundaries, which sounds like not what you needed right then. My T has said he cares about me, but that feelings about me don't affect him at all like feelings about his family.
It sounds like an off session. I have been absolutely devastated by those too. A lot of the time I was mishearing what he said, or he said something that he didn't mean or what he did mean in a bad way. I hope you can explain clearly to him what hurt you and work it out. It seems like one bad session shouldn't erase the working relationship you two have carefully built over years.
I would urge you to have another session or two to try to work it out.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on August 6, 2007, at 18:17:28
In reply to More, posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 16:49:12
I agree he should not have raised his voice or said he doesn't think about you outside of session. It sounds like an off day.
As far as him asking why you think he doesn't want to work with you, I would ask you that as well. Just because he doesn't think about you outside of session doesn't mean he doesn't care about you or want to work with you. In fact, if he disliked you or didn't want to work with you, I would think he would be MORE likely to think about you outside of session. I have the same sort of fears that my T won't want to work with me anymore, and he always asks me questions like that. It's sort of a CBT reality check thing asking realistically why would he get mad at me, why would he leave, that sort of thing.
My T never offers to comfort me if I cry. He'll say it's alright to cry if I look like I'm holding it in and he'll tell me I'm doing fine, but nothing terribly comforting. I find it comforting what he tells me, but some Ts are trained not to talk when a client is crying to let them feel their feelings.
The joke at the end wasn't appropriate, but sometimes my T makes jokes at bad times when I'm upset too. He's trying to make me smile and it totally backfires and I get mad at him. But he means the best when he does it. I bet your T meant well by that comment.
He didn't say he didn't care if you die. My T would probably not go to my funeral. But he would care that I was dead. He has said he would visit me in the hospital if I was hospitalized and had to miss a session because of that, but he would not go to a friend's house to meet me if I had no way to get to a session, no matter what.
I would try to give him a chance to respond. But it might require you to not attack him and say you hate him. If you can approach him calmly and asking him what he meant, I bet you can work this out with him.
Good luck,
sunnydays
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 6, 2007, at 18:49:35
In reply to More, posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 16:49:12
I'm so sorry, SD. You must be terribly hurt.
I have to say, some of what he said to you just doesn't ring true for me. I don't mean that I don't believe you -- I mean that he wasn't telling the truth. I can promise you that I think about my job ALL the time outside of work and I'm not a therapist. I don't know anyone who doesn't think about work stuff after hours. Our brains, in my opinion, are just not made that way.
So I have to conclude that there was something else going on with him today and he took it out on you -- possibly because he was frustrated with you or possibly because he is more attached to you than to other clients and it somehow felt safer to take it out on you (or he didn't have his guard up like he would with others). Does that make it okay? Absolutely not. Imo, he should apologize profusely AND refund your money for today's session.
((((((((SlugDoo)))))))))))
Posted by Poet on August 6, 2007, at 19:03:06
In reply to More, posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 16:49:12
Hi Slugdoo,
For raising his voice and scaring you your T just got a hard cyberslap to his head.
When my T thinks I am not listening she says my name. "Poet, what I am saying is..." It gets my attention and doesn't scare me. Otherwise she rarely says my name in a session. I think she reserves it as an attention getter. If she raised her voice I would immediately think she is mad at me.
Maybe you could write down the memories? I'm big on handing my T stuff to read as I run out the door. Drop and dash.
I can't believe your T doesn't have a box of tissues next to where you sit. I thought that was standard in all therapist's offices. I've only cried once in therapy, it was more my inner four-year-old child crying, my T very quietly said "she has a perfectly good reason to cry." I've cried once in almost five years and I would like to think if/when I ever cry again she will somehow acknowledge it. One more cyberslap to your T's head.
I am so sorry your session was so horrible. I hope it was just a very off day for your T because of the EKG. Good luck.
Poet
Posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 19:09:46
In reply to Re: I am so hurt, I told my T I am not coming back » slugdoo, posted by LadyBug on August 6, 2007, at 15:54:15
I didn't write everything because it hard to think right now, but he did say he didn't care about me. He didn't think about me between sessions. And get this he told me there are some clients who he doesn't look forward to in seeing because of their anger torwards him or some teenagers that don't want to be there. He said that I wasn't one of those clients but still...
I am just shocked at today. He seemed to treat me so cruely and right now I don't want hear anyone defending him because I don't belive what he did was for my benefit. I am feeling worse, please don't justify him. I know the boundries, and I know he does't care about me like his wife an kid, but that fact is he said he DIDN"T care about me at all. If I died, it would be like "so what" .I need support right now, my heart is torn in two because I thought he did care, maybe the only one person who did, the person I turned to when I was feeling so bad, someone I could talk to about the sh*t inside and now that person is gone or maybe was just "fake" to begin with. It took me forever to trust him and now that is gone. I don't trust a word he says. Once he told me he was a great liar. Well I guess I should have listened. What a smuck I am.
Why do I fall for this? Why do I think people care when they don't, they cast me away, don't ever want to talk to me, treat me like I don't exhist? What is so f*cking wrong with me that people don't like me?
I feel like such a fool to believe in therapy and now therapy has messed me up more than I already was. What are they a bunch of fake Phd.s walking around getting paid big bucks to act like they care, but really clients mean nothing. I think he should win an academy award for his acting with me.
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on August 6, 2007, at 19:21:14
In reply to Re: I am so hurt, I told my T I am not coming back, posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 19:09:46
Doo,
there is nothing unloveable or unlikeable about you. I think you have a great personality and an easy sense of humor. You really care about your family and your friends, and you really care about your T too. There's absolutely nothing wrong with your heart, or your soul.I cannot make excuses for your T. He should be forced to make his own excuses and explain his actions. Leave him a voice mail where you read one of these posts (or all 3) to him. Tell him how much he has hurt you. If he doesn't care about you outside of your appointment time, then he is not doing his job.
You deserve his respect, his effort, and his sensitivity. That is NOT too much to ask.
And if you ask me, he's a liar, because he DOES think about you outside of the session. Remember when you didn't go to the healthclub for a while and he noticed your absence? What does THAT mean? hmm. I hope his test results were all goofy. hmmmph
-Ll
Posted by canadagirl on August 6, 2007, at 19:39:15
In reply to I am so hurt, I told my T I am not coming back, posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 15:01:42
Hi there just jumping in and you know what I think? I think (that old Shakespearean cliche) the man is protesting too much. I think he does care. Very much. He is obviously trying hard to convince you and maybe himself he doesn't.
Posted by sunnydays on August 6, 2007, at 20:31:52
In reply to Re: I am so hurt, I told my T I am not coming back, posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 19:09:46
I'm so sorry sd. I agree with whoever said that he was not telling the truth today. He should not have said any of what he said and he should apologize profusely. I don't believe he has been acting with you, though. I believe that today was a really bad day for him for some unknown reason, and he took it out on you.
Absolutely a huge apology is due to you from him. Many apologies.
sunnydays
Posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 20:39:38
In reply to Re: I am so hurt, I told my T I am not coming back » slugdoo, posted by canadagirl on August 6, 2007, at 19:39:15
I keep reading everyone responses, you all have some good stuff. I can't believe how much I am hurting right now, I mean it hurts so much, I just can't control that feeling because it got me very deeply. I still can't believe someone who I trusted so much and cared about said all of that. I just don't get it, I thought I knew him well. Last session he told me I didn't know his problems because therapy is about me. Well I can think of a few problems right now.
I asked him, in regard to if a patient dies, how can you just turn your emotions off like you do? Then he said kinda snooty that if I wanted to become a T I will have to do that. I said I didn't ask you that, I asked you how you do it. He said, it was simple I just didn't turned them on in the first place.
Okay I know a T needs to keep there emotions in check, but to never really care? Aren't we all humans? I told him that I care about him even if he is just my T , after all we are in this whole world together with each other.I keep going from being really hurt, to being so angry at him, and cursing myself to believe that he really cared and that I could feel safe with him. He is such a big jerk, it is hard to hate him right now, I want to , so I wouldn't care about him either, but I am not a cold hearted robot.
Will a new T take me on soon, even if I tell her I terminated therapy this week especially since I was with him for over 2 1/2 years? He gave me a list a while back for a friend of mine who was looking for a female T who does EMDR. I kept the list. Maybe I should call some tomorrow. I don't feel I can live with this pain alone, it is killing me. I don't know if I can ever trust him again. It is so hard to trust to begin with, and when someone hurts you, it is so hard for me to get past that. I just keep crying when I picture his face. It is so hard.
Posted by sunnydays on August 6, 2007, at 20:45:56
In reply to Re: I am so hurt, I told my T I am not coming back, posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 20:39:38
Is there any chance you would give him an opportunity to explain himself and apologize? It might be a good therapeutic opportunity to work through a conflict if you can manage it.
sunnydays
Posted by Maria01 on August 6, 2007, at 21:33:21
In reply to I am so hurt, I told my T I am not coming back, posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 15:01:42
I take a hard line with this, because my ex-T pretty much lost her cool and raised her voice on occaision.
Someone who truly cares for you on a personal or professional level would not have said those things to you in the manner in which he did.
Might be time to find a new T. He needs to know under no uncertain terms that what he said and how he said it was hurtful and unprofessional. I have a really low tolerance for that kind of behaviour, so I would terminate. It's up to you, but no therapy is worth it if it provokes this much misery.
Posted by Dinah on August 6, 2007, at 21:34:35
In reply to I am so hurt, I told my T I am not coming back, posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 15:01:42
That is an unbelievable thing to say. My therapist can be a dolt at times, but I'm not sure even he would say that.
I'm not excusing him at all, because there is no excuse. But maybe his mind was deranged by whatever caused his upcoming EKG? Maybe he was angry about that and spewing nonsense. Or... How did the previous patient die? Maybe he's feeling really defensive about that. What he said sounded self protective almost.
Not that that's any excuse to hurt you. It isn't. It can't be. But people hurt each other. Even therapists. My therapist has hurt me badly lots of times, because I left myself open to him to be hurt.
It's not ok. Sometimes it just *is*.
Posted by Phillipa on August 6, 2007, at 21:50:20
In reply to Re: I am so hurt, I told my T I am not coming back » slugdoo, posted by Dinah on August 6, 2007, at 21:34:35
It's possible that his patient died of a heart attack and he is having heart problems hence the EKG. He may be scared as he's human too. Not to excuse yelling. Love Phillipa
Posted by JoniS on August 6, 2007, at 22:36:06
In reply to More, posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 16:49:12
Doo,
I understand why you are hurting so much. If I had a session like that I'm sure I'd become a basket case. I am so sorry about that. One thing I want to say to you is please don't allow his mistakes to bring you down and take shots at yourself.
>
> I asked him if he didn't want to work with me anymore. He asked why I always think that? uggghhh!
>
> I know I am forgetting stuff, but I felt so unsafe, so judged by him. and a piece of crap.**** No, you are not a piece of -----****
>
> ... I said I sure didn't help you today and he said well you didn't hurt me either for Ekg.**** It's not your job to "help" him, it's HIS job to help you ****
>
> Then several hours later, I am what a complete
jerk!****** you are not a complete jerk ****
>
And now I can add him to the list of the people who don't care about me in my lifetime.
>*** like other babblers have already said, I don't believe that he doesn't care about you, even though he said what he did.....****
>I told him I will find out somebody else or I will just give up comletely on my problems.
**** dont give up just because HE screwed up Badly, dont punish yourself *****
>
> Icould I be so stupid to trust him?*** you are NOT stupid to trust him, that is how therapy works ****
Doo, Look at how hard you were on yourself over this and it's not your problem, it's his. Like others have said, he must have been having a bad day, BUT, there is no excusing how he was to you. The mistakes he made today don't make the past a lie, so don't tell yourself that. Hold on to the help you've gotten from the relationship.
If my T did this, I would definitely find another T, even if I received apologies. Imo, a professional does not act like this - several insensitive statements in one session, putting himself and his feelings before yours.
I am so sorry for your pain. I care very much for my T and I know he cares about me, even though it isn't like his family. It would be unbearable pain for me if he told me things like he wouldn't go to my funeral, raised his voice with no apology, made light of my crying. When I cry my T often hands me tissue. He explained that he does sometimes think of his clients outside T, he has feelings like I do, but he works hard to refrain from expressing them too much because he does not want to cause harm to me, t is about me, not T. My T is good about drawing boundaries, but he doesn't say hurtful, insensitive things when he draws them.
When you were on the phone was that with him, or was that a recorder? If you were on the phone with him, did he say anything?
I hope you find someone you can feel good with and trust and open up to. Hold on to the loving thoughts and cares from Babblers, and those you love. I wish you recovery and happier days. Be good to yourself!
((((((((((((sDoo))))))))))))
Posted by B2chica on August 7, 2007, at 7:57:59
In reply to Re: More » slugdoo, posted by Poet on August 6, 2007, at 19:03:06
(((((sluggy)))))))))
i am so sorry for your Terrible session...
i just can't believe how insensitive he was...i mean personally, given your history...did he not think that raising his voice to you might scare you?!
i REALLY like Poet's suggestion...i think that stating your name IS a really good attention getter. and works MUCH better with us.
now, hon, i want to make a comment about the funeral thing. i don't want to upset you...but i want to show you what he maybe meant. i work with clients that have in the past -past away, and because it can be terribly draining on a person you just can't allow yourself to go to client funerals...so i'm guessing that's what your T meant...
H O W E V E R!!!
i would NEVER in a million trillion years flat out to their face tell them that! i think that is Increadibly insensitive and quite frankly hurtful.
i've been invited on several occasions by spouses and just told them politely "i'll try to make it"...to be so cold as to say that is just...hurtful. i'm so sorry.
like you said, how are you supposed to open up to someone who blatently said he really doesn't care!
it's not much but take my warm hugs
(((((((sluggy)))))))))))
Posted by slugdoo on August 7, 2007, at 9:56:01
In reply to Re: More, posted by B2chica on August 7, 2007, at 7:57:59
I had a dream about this last night, I woke up thinking my session really didn't happen. But reality kicked in. I didn't get up until 10 am and normally I am up by 6 at least. So I got 12 hours of sleep, I am kinda amazed by that.
My heart hurts so freaking bad.You know my DH just called I told him what happened yesterday, and he actually called just now to check up on me. I am surprised because he hasn't done that in years. I told him I was going to do EMDR yesterday, so he knew the session would be a big one, but not in this way.
But you know what , I am actually worried about my T because I know of his heart problems, arthimica problems, well he tells me he is going for a EKG. So that means he is having problems again, and as mad as I at him, it worries me. BUt why should I? He is just my robot T who isn't real.
I never know he will call or not, he does if I tell him to, and when I don't say, he sometimes does anyways. But I don't want to talk to him because I don't think I can contain my anger or my tears. I really feel like telling him off. What a jerk he is, what a liar!In my phone call I even appolized for frusterating him, I really don't mean to do that. If he thinking am frusterating him, how does he think I feel myself, I frusterate myself even worse.
Can you believe I am doing nothing but crying? I feel so bad. I am sorry if I am repeating myself.As far as his client that died, they had diabeties and they were only 45. If it didnt matter, why did he tell me?
Uggg! Is angry/sad a feeling? Because that sure how it feels. I hope he felt the wacks that some of you have given him. I wish I could do that, but I just can't hurt anyone. Besides he probably doesn't FEEL anything anyways. and I thought I had that problem, well my T tops the cake, insensitive jerk he is. He can just "bite me" I think I know why his car is gold, because clients pee on it, that is why.
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on August 7, 2007, at 12:13:40
In reply to I thought it was just a bad dream, posted by slugdoo on August 7, 2007, at 9:56:01
Doo,
I'm glad you were able to get some restorative sleep.I'm really hopeful for a good outcome from all of this, you want to know why? Well, first of all, you've stopped blaming some inner badness of YOURs for eliciting his unprofessional behavior. It was hard for me to read you beating up on yourself. This is one of those moments when it's really important to give ourselves some lovingkindness, some compassion that our soul is still loveable, however hurt it may be at that moment.
Second, there IS a logical explanation for his "losing it". You even recognize it yourself. His heart is giving him stress, whether he admits it to himself or not. He is frustrated and feels powerless about the state of his own health. Who wouldn't feel that way. You know how it is-- showing up for tests and appts and people subjecting your spine and neck to various rehabilitative treatments. It's easy to lose sight of the fact that he OWNS his body and is actually caring for it by doing the tests.
Finally, I know that you and T have been working on some heavy stuff for a long time. I know that you often see him out and about in the community, and therefore, I think he is in a very thinly disguised denial that he doesn't allow work to invade his private life.
My personal guess is that his heart doctor, or perhaps a self-help book has told him that he needs to limit the amount of stress he is exposed to, and to separate the stress he has at work and not allow it to infiltrate his family life. He's taken it a step further though, and is trying to turn his heart off at the end of each day at the office, thinking that this will be good for his health in the long run. What makes more sense to me is to develop other ways of relaxing, and refocusing one's attention on one's private life. Thinking about the positive aspects of the day's work. Remembering the client that made him smile that day, or the client that usually gives him a hard time being more receptive. That's what *I* would do, if I were a T, anyways.
He probably lost his temper with you because he felt that it was safe to do so after several years of working together. What he forgot is that you come to him with a vulnerable heart and you need his help to mend and strengthen yourself.
take care,
-Ll
Posted by Nathan_Arizona on August 7, 2007, at 13:31:42
In reply to I am so hurt, I told my T I am not coming back, posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 15:01:42
Slugdoo!
All of this sounds awful, just awful. I can't blame you for NEVER wanting to see that man again.
I mean, I could sit here all day and make excuses and reasons for his behaviour - but at the end of the day, he is a professional and should be expected to act like one.
You have a right to be treated fairly and with dignity. I can only imagine how I would react if someone told me that if I died they wouldn't go to my funeral.
I've heard some bad therapy stories, and this is another one.
Good for you for thinking enough of yourself not to put up with that.
Good for you.
Natie
Posted by sunnydays on August 7, 2007, at 14:31:02
In reply to HOLY CRAP!!!!, posted by Nathan_Arizona on August 7, 2007, at 13:31:42
Why is everyone saying to never see him again? In almost any other profession in the world, people are allowed to have moments of being unprofessional, and as long as they apologize and sincerely work hard to recover from that, they are forgiven. Why shouldn't T's get the same grace? Yes, their job is more important than some, but they are only human. No matter how much training they have gone through, they can't be expected to be perfect, however much we would like them to be. If he doesn't apologize, that's a different story, but I really think if he seems remorseful and tries hard to work to gain her trust back, that sd could try to work this through with her T.
sunnydays
Posted by 10derheart on August 7, 2007, at 16:54:04
In reply to Re: I thought it was just a bad dream » slugdoo, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on August 7, 2007, at 12:13:40
Llupsie,
I think this is a brilliant theory, and so well-explained. You might really have something here. I especially liked this:
>>He's taken it a step further though, and is trying to turn his heart off at the end of each day at the office, thinking that this will be good for his health in the long run.<<
I'm so glad you wrote this post.
SD,
I've wanted to post but don't know what to say. I guess others have said most of the parts of what I'm thinking. Your first post made me feel ill reading it, I mean, from the sheer emotion conveyed as to how his words cut you :-( It felt like I was there and it was pretty bad. I think I would have not even been able to walk out of there unassisted. You are really more resiliant than you give yourself credit for, including in the face of this trusted, loved (yes, I think so) T. suddenly wounding you in such a blunt and unexpected way.
You are here. You posted. You read. You slept. You told DH about it. You are putting one foot in front of the other.
I'm so sorry. I won't defend him, but give some thought to Llurpsie's words. Sounds so very plausible to me. For an athletic, vibrant (sounds like from all you've posted here) reasonably healthy guy, he may be really feeling scared and out of control right now. That should NOT allow for such hurtful, and IMO, incorrect statements to you - NO WAY - but an explanation of his own humanity getting the better of his T-side, well, maybe it at least makes it seem less nasty and awful. He should have reserved that impulsive vulnerable stuff for his wife, but he messed up.
Don't know what else to say right now. I pray he'll rethink what happened and realize what he did and try to make it right, if you even want to hear it. (((SD)))
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.