Posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 20:39:38
In reply to Re: I am so hurt, I told my T I am not coming back » slugdoo, posted by canadagirl on August 6, 2007, at 19:39:15
I keep reading everyone responses, you all have some good stuff. I can't believe how much I am hurting right now, I mean it hurts so much, I just can't control that feeling because it got me very deeply. I still can't believe someone who I trusted so much and cared about said all of that. I just don't get it, I thought I knew him well. Last session he told me I didn't know his problems because therapy is about me. Well I can think of a few problems right now.
I asked him, in regard to if a patient dies, how can you just turn your emotions off like you do? Then he said kinda snooty that if I wanted to become a T I will have to do that. I said I didn't ask you that, I asked you how you do it. He said, it was simple I just didn't turned them on in the first place.
Okay I know a T needs to keep there emotions in check, but to never really care? Aren't we all humans? I told him that I care about him even if he is just my T , after all we are in this whole world together with each other.I keep going from being really hurt, to being so angry at him, and cursing myself to believe that he really cared and that I could feel safe with him. He is such a big jerk, it is hard to hate him right now, I want to , so I wouldn't care about him either, but I am not a cold hearted robot.
Will a new T take me on soon, even if I tell her I terminated therapy this week especially since I was with him for over 2 1/2 years? He gave me a list a while back for a friend of mine who was looking for a female T who does EMDR. I kept the list. Maybe I should call some tomorrow. I don't feel I can live with this pain alone, it is killing me. I don't know if I can ever trust him again. It is so hard to trust to begin with, and when someone hurts you, it is so hard for me to get past that. I just keep crying when I picture his face. It is so hard.
poster:slugdoo
thread:774336
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070726/msgs/774410.html