Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on August 7, 2007, at 12:13:40
In reply to I thought it was just a bad dream, posted by slugdoo on August 7, 2007, at 9:56:01
Doo,
I'm glad you were able to get some restorative sleep.I'm really hopeful for a good outcome from all of this, you want to know why? Well, first of all, you've stopped blaming some inner badness of YOURs for eliciting his unprofessional behavior. It was hard for me to read you beating up on yourself. This is one of those moments when it's really important to give ourselves some lovingkindness, some compassion that our soul is still loveable, however hurt it may be at that moment.
Second, there IS a logical explanation for his "losing it". You even recognize it yourself. His heart is giving him stress, whether he admits it to himself or not. He is frustrated and feels powerless about the state of his own health. Who wouldn't feel that way. You know how it is-- showing up for tests and appts and people subjecting your spine and neck to various rehabilitative treatments. It's easy to lose sight of the fact that he OWNS his body and is actually caring for it by doing the tests.
Finally, I know that you and T have been working on some heavy stuff for a long time. I know that you often see him out and about in the community, and therefore, I think he is in a very thinly disguised denial that he doesn't allow work to invade his private life.
My personal guess is that his heart doctor, or perhaps a self-help book has told him that he needs to limit the amount of stress he is exposed to, and to separate the stress he has at work and not allow it to infiltrate his family life. He's taken it a step further though, and is trying to turn his heart off at the end of each day at the office, thinking that this will be good for his health in the long run. What makes more sense to me is to develop other ways of relaxing, and refocusing one's attention on one's private life. Thinking about the positive aspects of the day's work. Remembering the client that made him smile that day, or the client that usually gives him a hard time being more receptive. That's what *I* would do, if I were a T, anyways.
He probably lost his temper with you because he felt that it was safe to do so after several years of working together. What he forgot is that you come to him with a vulnerable heart and you need his help to mend and strengthen yourself.
take care,
-Ll
poster:LlurpsieNoodle
thread:774336
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070807/msgs/774567.html