Posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 16:49:12
In reply to I am so hurt, I told my T I am not coming back, posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 15:01:42
I guess I am so upset I don't know what to say other than what happened ( I am starting to numb myself from feeling now).
He said he will think about if I should do EMDR, if I should open that can of worms right now. He told me to think about it, he will too.I asked him if he didn't want to work with me anymore. He asked why I always think that? uggghhh!
I was crying okay, sometime hard, sometimes silently and he never offered to comfort me, didn't even give me a kleenex. I don't even know where they are, I haven't needed them before.I know I am forgetting stuff, but I felt so unsafe, so judged by him. and a piece of crap.
We sort of left okay, he told me he had a doctors appointment so he had to go and get a EKG done. I asked if he will be all right and he said yes. I said I sure didn't help you today and he said well you didn't hurt me either for Ekg.
When I walked out the door, he said "there is nothing like a good cry". I wanted to die, I never hardly ever cry ever. He knows that. I did last session during the EMDR attempt (1st time) BUt he how could he make light of me crying? I told him I hated him when I walked out. He said something about that being critical, and I said I know, I said it on purposes.Then several hours later, I am what a complete jerk!
First tells me he doesn't care about me or think about me outside of session.
2nd raises his voice to me out of frustration
3rd makes light of crying.I told him on the phone that knowing he cared is what made me reach out to him especially during the hard time. I learned to trust him. And now I can add him to the list of the people who don't care about me in my lifetime.
I said how can I do the deepest work with you knowing you don't care about me.
And I never hardly cry, and then you made light of that? I told him I will find out somebody else or I will just give up comletely on my problems. I told him I thought about not showing up again, but I will at least give him a notice because I am not a cold hearted robot. I then said goodbye with tears in my voice.Icould I be so stupid to trust him? Now I am hurting and he feels nothing, I am nobody to him, he can just forgot me. I feel like he had died. I would at least go to his funeral if he had one, but he doesn't even care if I die.
poster:slugdoo
thread:774336
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070726/msgs/774358.html