Posted by Angel Girl on June 25, 2004, at 14:01:36
In reply to climbing up » Angel Girl, posted by octopusprime on June 25, 2004, at 9:57:41
> angelgirl:
>
> i'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling bad.
>
> i'm saddened to read you describing yourself as worthless. NOBODY is worthless. YOU have worth. you are a valued member of babble, people care about you and how you feel. we want you to feel better, to climb out.
>
> can you call your T or pdoc? it seems to me that a T could help you reframe your thinking a bit. you say you are undermedicated, and it is TERRIBLE and HARD to be undermedicated in a storm. but like a rain shower, it will pass dear, and the sun will come out again. it's hard to remember that when you're soaking wet and drenched.
>
> are you getting ready for another med trial? the time for you to start is now. please call your treatment team.
>
> and i know so many posters here have had their lives changed by one med or another (even if they had to try for years to find it) ... i hold out hope for you dear.
>
> i hope you can find the good in yourself soon (like caring about animals, enjoying their warm fluffy glows...)
octopusprimeYes, I am undermedicated. I recently (2 wks ago) went cold turkey off of Lamictal because of SJS. I feel I'm *almost* at the end of my withdrawal, although I still have some rashes and itching. I saw my pdoc yesterday and she wants to add Topamax to my regimine but she wants me to wait until it's one month from when I last took Lamictal. That means, I have 2 more weeks before I will get a rx for Topamax. I'm on Depakote 500mg, which I absolutely HATE and want to come off of and Effexor XR 187.5mg/daily. When I was at my pdoc appt yesterday we took all my appt time discussing the ill-effects of the Lamictal was having on my system that I never thought to ask her about whether I could possibly increase my Effexor XR.
Right now I am between T's. I was looking for one but then I ran into the Lamictal problem and was in no shape to be pursuing anything, so it has been put on hold. I will start looking again on Monday. I don't live in the US, I'm in Canada and even though I am probably in the biggest city in Canada, it takes *months* to get an appt with somebody new. It is so discouraging. There are not enough resources here for the mentally ill unless you have $$$$, which I do not. I have to rely on what services the government will pay for and that severely limits my options. I do have group therapy though but have missed the last couple of weeks due to my withdrawal. So, yes, I'm going to start a new med trial but not for 2 weeks. It seems like an eternity but this is what my pdoc wants me to do. I'm extremely med sensitive so in the long run I have to agree with her. As much as I'm emotionally suffering right now, it would be too soon to add a new med to my system when I'm still dealing with the aftermatch of the Lamictal.
As far as me being worthless, I am. If I wasn't, then people wouldn't keep discarding me like yesterday's news. I have absolutely not one speck of self-esteem or self-love, in fact, I *hate* myself with a passion. Nobody wants nor needs me other than my 2 kitties. I live for them, they are what keeps me alive. I literally love them more than life itself.
Climb up? I can't even find the ladder. :(
AG
poster:Angel Girl
thread:360012
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040619/msgs/360331.html