Posted by TexasChic on June 28, 2004, at 13:39:14
In reply to Crying and nobody cares anymore, posted by Angel Girl on June 24, 2004, at 20:58:47
You know, I wrote you a big long email in response to this on Friday, then something happened and it dissapeared! Then I had to go home from work (the only place I have the internet right now) and of course now I can't remember it anymore. But I'm sure it was very profound. ;-)
Anyway, that first post that Dinah wrote was almost exactly word for word what my T told me. She always says, "You have to expand your support base", meaning, make more friends. I'm like, how on earth am I supposed to do that??? Its something I'm still trying to figure out, but I am trying, and am determined to keep trying until I suceed.
But what I really wanted to write to you about was your friend that's always negative. I had a 'friend' who literally verbally abused me. It turned into this terrible co-dependant relationship. One day I decided, you know, I'd rather have no friends at all, then a friend like this. And you know what? It was the best thing I ever did in my life! Let me repeat that: IT WAS THE BEST THING I EVER DID IN MY LIFE!!! It was the turning point in my depression and the point when I finally started asking for help. At first it was *really* hard. But as time went by, I began to feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. It was only then that I realized remaining friends with her was what kept me down, and kept me from getting help and getting better. After a while, she would call me every month or so asking to get together. I was always like, "Sorry, I have other plans". It was actually exhilarating.
I've finally begun to realize that if I have toxic people in my life, it will eventually spread to me. Its still difficult, but at least now I recognize it for what it is. Like that friend that yelled at me on my camping trip (if you read that thread a while back), I've already decided she's out. I've worked too long and too hard to take that from *anyone* now.
I still waver – last week in particular was kind of bad for me. But I'm still here, and still working toward the ultimate goal of just being a happy, positive person.
So the point to this endless email I'm writing is this; sometimes you have to get rid of the toxic friends before you can befriend healthier more supportive friends. If she is nothing but negative and criticizes all the time, no wonder you feel so crappy! You can't just keep hearing that over and over without eventually believing it.
I know its hard, but you are *not* alone and people do care. I will keep trying, and I hope you will too.
poster:TexasChic
thread:360012
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040626/msgs/361373.html