Posted by Angel Girl on June 30, 2004, at 7:56:09
In reply to Re: Crying and nobody cares anymore » Angel Girl, posted by TexasChic on June 28, 2004, at 13:39:14
TCI know what you mean about losing long emails. I've done that so many times and it's irritating that you put so much effort into it and then poof! it's gone. You hardly have the effort to go through it all again so the next time the person gets the *very* condenced version of it, with probably a lot of stuff totally forgotten.
I've often been told to make more friends too. Actually, I'm not sure if I explained properly but any *friends* that I do have, are all on the net, none IRL. It's not easy for me to make new friends IRL. I'm very shy. And to be honest, I don't think this is the right time in my life to try and make friends. I inevitably screw up every relationship I have lately, so I think I need to learn some tools in therapy first on how to even be a friend and not tick everybody off. My whole way of thinking is not like it is for *normal* people, I'm extremely sensitive, I misinterpret things, take things on very literally and super analyze every word that is said to me. I can put a whole different spin on something that is said to me than what was intended by the person saying it. With all that being said, any new relationship is doomed before it starts until I can reprogram my brain to stop doing those things. I need therapy and lots of it. So, in the meantime, I have decided to keep everybody at arm's length and to try and not get too close to anyone so that I don't get hurt until I'm in a more mentally healthier place.
As far as giving up my friend that you're talking about, I know you said it's hard and yes it sure would be for me, I still cling to the idea that maybe, just maybe, things can go back to where they were before. I'm not ready to give up that friendship yet. I know I would be more depressed if I did. If however, she continues to talk to me in the same manner as she has been, then I will have to really reconsider whether this friendship can be saved. At this point, I have talked with her *vaguely* and she has agreed that she would like to get back to where we were before. I'm very doubtful that is even possible but I would like to at least give it a try.
I'm not feeling upset in the last couple of days so hopefully, I will be ok for awhile. I thought my pdoc was going to add an additional mood stabilizer when I saw her last Thursday but since I'm still breaking out in rashes and itching like crazy, she decided to wait until I see her next Thursday, so that would be 2 weeks from my last visit. I'm not really looking forward to the additional med because I'm very med sensitive and I HATE side effects. I guess I need to develop a more positive attitude about it. The bad thing is though, is that I had a very good positive attitude about the Lamictal and when it didn't work out, it really left me discouraged. Anyway, hopefully, the next one is a charm. Onward and upward, hopefully.
AG
poster:Angel Girl
thread:360012
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040626/msgs/361915.html