Posted by Angel Girl on June 26, 2004, at 16:01:38
In reply to Re: Crying and nobody cares anymore » Scott in Vermont, posted by Angel Girl on June 26, 2004, at 15:50:44
> > True, we won't ever be "cured", but we CAN find ways of making it through this and living functional and predictable lives.
> >
> > I gte angry at this a lot, as you do, and I have moments where I'm just so upset that I have this to deal with that I forget that yes, I have this to DEAL with, meaning I can find some way to deal with it.
> >
> > Playing "musical meds" is never fun and it looks like I'm there again. My honeymoon with Lexapro lasted about 2 months. Now it's Lexapro and lithium. Who knows where it will be in a few weeks? I remain hopeful (here goes my blind optimism again) that someday I'll find that magical mix that lets me feel like and be Scott without the roller coaster ride that seems to define my life right now.
> >
> > I wish I had words that would make you feel better, but I know there are none (having been offered kind and supportive words when I was in the middle of a situation... I appreciated them, but they didn't "fix" anything) and I know that the only thing that is going to "fix" you is finding what you need, both emotionally and chemically, that gives you some peace and balance in your life.
> >
> > You have my best wishes, for what it is worth.
> >
> > -Scott
>
>
> Scott
>
> Aaaaaaaaaaaah!!! Blind optimism. I know what that is. That's what *I* had when starting Lamictal. I'd already tried Depakote and Lithium and for once when I started the Lithium, it was the ONLY med I'd ever tried with absolutely no side effects. I was so optimistic and that in itself is a miracle for me because I'm the most pessimissistic person you'll ever meet. But now that rug has been pulled out from under my feet. We're back to med roulette. Pick a side effect, any side effect. I'm so sick of it. Why can't somebody develop a drug without side effects? How hard can it be?
>
> Or maybe I'm just unfixable. I mean, I don't think my basic personality is going to change throughout this whole process. No wonder years ago they used to lock us all up. This world is no place for me so might just as well institutionalize me so everybody can forget about my existance.
>
> Or maybe, just maybe I'm expecting too much from life? Maybe we're not all meant to be happy, btw, what is happy anyway? I'm not sure I know.
>
> Or maybe, this is what my life was meant to be, maybe this is God's will for me. Who am I to fight God's will. He must know what is best for me, right? He doesn't want his children to suffer, so maybe I'm just fighting the will of God and my alotment in life.
>
> I just woke up, I had a dream that somebody was chasing me, I was trying soooo hard to find the police to help me. I found them but they didn't believe me. They thought I was making it up and started to ignore me. Then the person who was chasing me, finally found me and opened gunfire and that's it, I was gone. Have you ever died in your dreams? That's a first for me. I usually wake up just before it's going to happen but not this time, I was riddled with bullets like in a gangster movie you'd watch on TV. And the person who shot me was locked up in an institution for the mentally ill. hahaha.
>
> Wonder what Freud would do with that one? I don't know how to interpret dreams.
>
> Oh, I digressed. I'm horrible for doing that. So Scott, I wish you the best of luck with your trial of Lithium. I hope it goes much better for you than it did for me. I only lasted 2 weeks on it. But then again, we all react differently to each drug so this very well may be the one for you and I sincerely hope it is.
>
> Dang, I want a cookie now and I already ate the last one. :(
>
> AGOoops!!! Brain malfunction. Correction needed. It was the Lamictal that originally had no side effects, certainly not the Lithium.
AG
poster:Angel Girl
thread:360012
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040626/msgs/360712.html