Posted by twinleaf on March 2, 2008, at 19:47:57
In reply to Re: I sure hope this was a Modest Proposal (re: se » twinleaf, posted by Racer on March 2, 2008, at 17:07:35
Yes. It's true, the amount of power the withholding person has is enormous. He may have felt, when he was young, that his mother controlled everything about him. If that's the case, every relationship he enters into may give him an opportunity to "turn the tables" and control and frustrate his partner.But it is true, as well, that it is VERY important that you fight hard to keep your sense of who YOU are undiminished- your intelligence, your caring and warmth, your wonderful sexuality. Even though you may worry a lot about your body (who doesn't?) and how attractive it is, in the scheme of things, there are probably millions of women far less attractive than you who have sexual partners who find them desirable. You know by now that the reasons for your marriage situation lies in him. It's not what you would have chosen.
As women, when (or if) we choose to go outside our marriages, it is very likely that we will come to care a lot about the sexual partners we choose. If we were men, it would probably be somewhat easier to separate sex and love, but as women, sex and love are more closely intertwined. Because of this an affair is not something to enter into lightly. Still, in a situation like yours, it seems right to keep an open mind about what you will do. I think it's important to allow yourself to fantasize in whatever way you want. It's so important, it seems to me, that you make choices that will give you the greatest opportunity to feel that you are lovable and valuable to yourself and to potential partners. Because your husband is in therapy now with your marriage counsellor, wouldn't it be reasonable to allow some time for him to try to work his sexual difficulties out? In the future, you may find yourself in an improved relationship with your husband, which would be wonderful, or you could find yourself moving away from your husband and towards other relationships. It is a big step to do that,
For now, keeping, and increasing, your own sense of your value as a person, and your identity as a loving and desirable sexual partner, is really important. Nobody knows what will happen in the future, but you can prepare for the best possible future by creating the best possible present.
If you google "oxytocin", it's pretty interesting!
poster:twinleaf
thread:815743
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080226/msgs/815821.html