Posted by Racer on March 3, 2008, at 18:26:09
In reply to The reality......, posted by twinleaf on March 2, 2008, at 19:47:57
Thank you to all who have responded. I'm sorry I haven't had it in me to respond individually, but I haven't -- so, a group thank you.
I spent most of the weekend crying, and had to leave class today because I just couldn't be there. And I have a special board meeting tonight that I cannot not attend, which feels like a sword hanging over my neck.
The thing is, no matter what I know in my head, my body knows something, too. My body knows that it's not being touched, that it's not being held, that its needs are not being met. Yes, I can take care of some of it, but lately that's left me feeling even worse.
I called my therapist, who'll come in on her day off to see me, so at least I can talk about this a little. I can tell her what a can of worms this opened up for me. I can ask her if she meant it as a Modest Proposal, to get the discussion going again, or if she just meant I should look for someone to meet these needs.
I'm so afraid that no one will ever touch me again! I am so very frightened that I will never be held again. I have so little in my life right now, and desperately need *something* to help fill the voids -- and aside from all the voids that I have to fill myself, there are one or two that require the involvement of a second body.
Damn. I hate this. I cannot manage to deal with this pain, it's just too much for me.
poster:Racer
thread:815743
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080226/msgs/816008.html