Posted by sunnydays on February 26, 2007, at 20:37:17
In reply to Re: ^^^please respond to the above, somebody^^^^ » sunnydays, posted by 10derHeart on February 26, 2007, at 18:12:52
> Well, sometimes I'm don't feel I'm much of anybody, but I guess I qualify as somebody, so I can respond (shaky self-esteem day)
**** You're somebody. And much of anybody, too! I was so happy to see your post.
>
> > It hurts so much.
>
> I know. That hurt is part of the therapy process when we are so attached. I have been feeling so similar to this lately - super-sensitive to anything different in a session that doesn't feel 1000% gentle. Does that sound right?***** Exactly. I so wanted gentle, and I just couldn't get it. It felt like he was teasing me almost, although I know it wasn't his intention. Because when he said, "It might feel that way because my voice isn't as soft as sometimes", he said the word soft in that voice. It just felt like he could have given it to me but was purposely not.
I know this might not help one bit, but I try to think of it as the most righteous kind of suffering. Like pain that we can bear just a tiny, tiny bit better 'cause of the flip side of the caring we get from our T's and knowing it's for a good cause = our healing and feeling better
**** Yeah, that's a good way of thinking about it.
>
> >>It just feels like it's all fake.
>
> But you know it's not. Maybe you are a little raw, too close in time after the session? I believe from reading your threads that this T. is anything but fake and cares so much about you.
>**** Yeah, deep down I know he cares, but it's so hard to feel that right now.
> >> He said that it probably felt like he was mad at me because his voice wasn't as soft as it is sometimes.
>
> Yup. Got that one. I can tear up and become even younger of a little girl in there if my T. even slightly uses those kinds of tones. Some days worse than others, but it always bothers me to some degree.*** Yeah. I can actually talk so much more I think, when he uses that voice.
Notice he said "felt like" - that's important, I think. He's telling you he absolutely wasn't mad. It's pretty great he recognizes that enough to comment on it, though? Sounds sensitive to what you're going through.
***** Yeah. I guess. He did say, when I said, "It feels like you're mad at me," that he wasn't mad, and it was in that soft voice. So I heard it and I believe it to a degree.
>
> >> Well now I know it's all fake, he can just sound however he wants.
>
> Maybe just because he can use a stronger, firm tone of voice doesn't mean anything about the other one, the soft one? Like when I love someone, and I get angry and speak louder, more harshly, that doesn't mean a thing about how much I love them after that. Just as much - zero change. Both strong emotions can exist in the same relationship and both are authentic and real.**** I have a hard time with that. Just like with any other people. I have a hard time believing someone can be angry at me and still like me. Not that he's angry.
>
> I struggle with this stuff constantly, so I really hear you, sunny. My T. must constantly remind me he's not mad, that his tones might only be to change the topic, redirect things, or access the adult part, like you said. I don't really like it much, either. But I'm trying.**** Yeah, me too. It just feels like I can't try much harder sometimes, so it's hard when he pushes. Because how much more can I give?
>
> >> I thought it meant he really cared.
>
> What? Using the soft voice? It did, it will and he does. I'm sure of it.**** Thank you. Thank you.
>
> >> Now I know I was being stupid again. Why did I trust him? I thought he was so nice.
>
> No way. It's never stupid to care, love and let someone in who cares about you. Getting spooked and having a session that doesn't leave you feeling as warm as you'd like is NOT stupid, just scary. His tone scared part(s) of you, didn't it? I know it would have scared me.**** Yeah, it scared the little girl part of me a lot. I'm afraid he's going to leave.
>
> You can still trust him. He is nice. Think of all the evidence to show that you're shared with us here.**** Yeah. It's just hard to remember that now.
>
> Maybe you can call him and say how upset the tone made you? I know calling is hard, but if it continues to feel bad, think about it. Don't I remember him being okay with phone calls before?**** Yeah, I prefer email though, so I'll do that. I get too scared of bothering him if I call, although that's just my fears.
>
> Hang in there. This will pass. Don't forget about our reliable friend, distraction. Anything to keep engaged so you don't have time to ruminate too much on this. Post some more, if it's helping.**** Yeah, I've been watching sitcoms all night. That helped. But sometime soon (hopefully tomorrow morning) I have to be able to do work again for school.
sunnydays
poster:sunnydays
thread:736247
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070215/msgs/736594.html