Posted by 10derHeart on February 26, 2007, at 18:12:52
In reply to ^^^please respond to the above, somebody^^^^, posted by sunnydays on February 26, 2007, at 17:05:24
Well, sometimes I'm don't feel I'm much of anybody, but I guess I qualify as somebody, so I can respond (shaky self-esteem day)
> It hurts so much.
I know. That hurt is part of the therapy process when we are so attached. I have been feeling so similar to this lately - super-sensitive to anything different in a session that doesn't feel 1000% gentle. Does that sound right? I know this might not help one bit, but I try to think of it as the most righteous kind of suffering. Like pain that we can bear just a tiny, tiny bit better 'cause of the flip side of the caring we get from our T's and knowing it's for a good cause = our healing and feeling better
>>It just feels like it's all fake.
But you know it's not. Maybe you are a little raw, too close in time after the session? I believe from reading your threads that this T. is anything but fake and cares so much about you.
>> He said that it probably felt like he was mad at me because his voice wasn't as soft as it is sometimes.
Yup. Got that one. I can tear up and become even younger of a little girl in there if my T. even slightly uses those kinds of tones. Some days worse than others, but it always bothers me to some degree. Notice he said "felt like" - that's important, I think. He's telling you he absolutely wasn't mad. It's pretty great he recognizes that enough to comment on it, though? Sounds sensitive to what you're going through.
>> Well now I know it's all fake, he can just sound however he wants.
Maybe just because he can use a stronger, firm tone of voice doesn't mean anything about the other one, the soft one? Like when I love someone, and I get angry and speak louder, more harshly, that doesn't mean a thing about how much I love them after that. Just as much - zero change. Both strong emotions can exist in the same relationship and both are authentic and real.
I struggle with this stuff constantly, so I really hear you, sunny. My T. must constantly remind me he's not mad, that his tones might only be to change the topic, redirect things, or access the adult part, like you said. I don't really like it much, either. But I'm trying.
>> I thought it meant he really cared.
What? Using the soft voice? It did, it will and he does. I'm sure of it.
>> Now I know I was being stupid again. Why did I trust him? I thought he was so nice.
No way. It's never stupid to care, love and let someone in who cares about you. Getting spooked and having a session that doesn't leave you feeling as warm as you'd like is NOT stupid, just scary. His tone scared part(s) of you, didn't it? I know it would have scared me.
You can still trust him. He is nice. Think of all the evidence to show that you're shared with us here.
Maybe you can call him and say how upset the tone made you? I know calling is hard, but if it continues to feel bad, think about it. Don't I remember him being okay with phone calls before?
Hang in there. This will pass. Don't forget about our reliable friend, distraction. Anything to keep engaged so you don't have time to ruminate too much on this. Post some more, if it's helping.
((((sunny)))
poster:10derHeart
thread:736247
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070215/msgs/736539.html