Posted by ElaineM on October 26, 2006, at 23:35:02
In reply to Re: how is regular? (**child abuse trauma mild**) » ElaineM, posted by Lindenblüte on October 26, 2006, at 22:00:13
Li, you make things sound clear and smart. Maybe he *is* good but not for me, or not now that I'm like this. I'm not his usual. Though he is not new to ED's at all. With me though, up until last meeting we've never really ever talked about food or weight or any symptoms of anything (except me being to scared to do more outside things) It wasn't necessary - the illness killed whatever was left of AN. But since I am different, maybe it's like all his knowledge and other experiences can't be applied to me. (And I do know that he has other big stuff going on in his life right now - that I've chosen to not write about in public)
I like that you're "long-winded" - I need things explained that way. ((((Li)))) I'm pretty dumb when it comes to understanding things and people. I could always write papers at school but it used to amaze me cause I'm so clueless about nearly everything else in life. I distrust everything I think I know, and usually everything someone else tells me.
Before in his reply..........T said.....that he sometimes wants to hold me in his arms like a small child :"( and that he can imagine rocking me :"( ......... but then i remember what he said before :(..........and WHY did he have to have said that then!!!!???? WHY!!!! This could've been a nice thing to say but NOT when he's said BOTH! NOT! :"( ....can he not remember......that's just not, not things that go together. I wanted to throw up. I thought I was going to. my stomach was sour.......it could've been nice........I can't stop thinking i've ruined this supposed-to-be comfort thing......I...can't stop worrying that I made that other part come, and i made the two opposite things together! I can't stop thinking. I didn't mean to. but I don't think I did, but I can't remember good so maybe i always forget everything. okay i'm having a panic attack! :( my heart is heavy. But maybe he doesn't think the before part now, anymore. Maybe it's erased and so it was gone before this, and so then it would be more ok. That has to be true. i mean, it's probably got to be true. I should go to sleep. I hope it comes blank. I wish I was living with LadyDoc. i want to email her right now but she'd be scared by my craziness. I should email helplady. I'm scared really really scared she will not answer AGAIN! I can't take it one more time. WHy is there no one!! I don't want to say something crazy if i type now. I can't spell right now. oh god what if there's no answer. Maybe I'll try one more time tomorrow cause that's what everyone says. I'm scared for tomorrow and grossness. I'll try and remember that Racer is doing same on the same day and it will be alright for us both :(
poster:ElaineM
thread:697776
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061026/msgs/698082.html