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about T's reply *******ED trigger*******

Posted by ElaineM on October 26, 2006, at 17:26:20

In reply to GRRR! **ED trigger** » ElaineM, posted by Racer on October 26, 2006, at 13:07:05

This is mostly a reply to Racer, but I didn't want to tag it like that to give her even more of an option to NOT read it. But R, if you were at a point where you felt okay to open this then it's replies to some of your stuff.
[I'm sorry you got triggered. I hope it doesn't upset you or stay with you]


>>>>>Elaine, you do know better. You know that AN isn't a healthy way to live. You know that you can't decide to go back there in order to get better -- you can only go back there in order to get sicker and sicker and sicker still. You know that.

Oh I know. Racer, I really really really know that. I promise. I would never do any more damage to myself - I couldn't afford it.

>>>>>>What you've written above is so outrageous I'm almost lost for words.

I felt the same. I'm sorry if I sound a little dumb during the posts talking about this. My brain is kind of in shock or something. I'm baffled that these weight loss things are coming at me from the opposite side. It's so disorienting, so confusing.

>>>>>>I have formed an opinion that this guy does NOT have your best interests first and foremost in his mind

I don't think he consciously wants to do or say the wrong thing to me. I know he wouldn't hurt me on purpose. I think that's why I feel so guilty. But I also think it's the same reason why I feel scared. I know I probably sound stubborn and stupid but it's really only been these latest comments about weight-loss that have deeply struck something in me. God it's just so confusing. THe ones who I trusted to tell me I shouldn't lose, who gave me as a recovering AN to T, who has dealt with others with the same problem (or B), has me now being told I maybe should lose. ?????? I'm sorry I'm harping but I can't let it go.

[I'll put what he replied at the end incase nobody wants to read that part, though it's not really ED bad]

IT's so strange to me that I can't not believe that he MUST know what he's doing. I mean, he MUST! Everyone in the world knows that you just wouldn't say that to someone who has been so sick before. There must be a really important reason. Maybe this WILL somehow help with the other thing. ....?.......?..........

I did get his reply and it's really disturbing to me. I felt like I would throw up reading it. I know that's me being overly sensitive, but it was one sentence that made/makes me want to run screaming down the street. It's not the weight control part even. He really only suggested an exercise regime he thinks would be good to start. I doubt I'll do it. Obviously I've already always been trying to exercise as well as I could since I'm kept so immobile most of the time. I physically COULDN'T do it. Infact I felt worse after. I'll try how he's suggested, I'm no exercise expert, but it's not gonna do anything to my weight. It does seem normal and safe I guess. It's not like exercise has ever been even the smallest symptom. I pretty much hate it with a passion. I don't know. Whatever. He didn't mention food yet. He said he needs to think more about how to say what he wants to about diet. But honestly, it's this other non-weight part that I'm finding so disturbing. (though I am curious to see how much he thinks I need to not eat certain things, amounts, times)

I'll see what he says about eating. I remember what I was taught was right for women my age to eat, if it's much different then that then I don't know what I'll do!! (I won't do it) but I won't know how I'll react to him. I'm more passionate about what I went throught with AN than any other piece of me.




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