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Re: more2 * abuse trig » Lindenblüte

Posted by ElaineM on October 15, 2006, at 20:05:53

In reply to Re: more2 * abuse trig » ElaineM, posted by Lindenblüte on October 15, 2006, at 13:40:27

>>>The fact that you've been able to live through so much is a great testament to your strength and bravery.

T says that alot. He says I'm brave too, and he wants me to teach him to live with emotional pain the way I have. I've told him that it makes me want to scream when he says that, cause all it takes to be that paralyzed is years of helplessness and a lack of hope. He always says he admires my perseverance. I've felt more like I'm just being dragged along by the current. And I've told him that (before I got sick) I'd always liked pain, so I can take alot. Plus I have a kinda freeze response to alot of things, and then I just act/speak like how the other person wants.

>>>>>The latter has been my therapy. I'm kind of depressed this weekend. It's really hard for me to get my work done, and I have a really bad week coming up. So? I don't know what to tell you. Just hang in there, and know that we love you too :)

I can't do alot of stuff anymore. But I try. I try to walk when I can.
I'm sorry you feel so depressed. This week coming is gonna be bad for me too. (I haven't posted that part yet)

I've refused to take any more psychotropics. I've never found any to have a noticeable effect when taking them - except when coming off. I have had seroquel recommended before (they had everyone on that in ED treatment. It's a popular drug) but I don't want it. Also, I have a pretty huge fear of medications (all kinds) - even antibiotics. It's taken alot for me to comply with all the tooth medications all summer. And now with this other infection....I think this has also been contributing to my panic levels. I'm still skeptical of ativan - still a bit frightening. But I'm not bad at taking it now - though I think I just get a placebo effect from it. T was the one who got me to finally test painkillers. I couldn't do it before. This fear/mild phobia was something LadyT was working with me on.

I'll be thinking of you all this week. I'll try and be strong cause I know you'll be doing the same.
blove, EL




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