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Re: anyone » Lindenblüte

Posted by ElaineM on October 15, 2006, at 12:19:42

In reply to Re: anyone » LadyBug, posted by Lindenblüte on October 15, 2006, at 9:47:24

>>>>>>1) you've got some health problem giving you severe chronic abdominal/pelvic pain.

Maybe true, maybe not. THe ad/pelvic stuff is rather recent (like less than six months). The main health problem is quite different than this stuff.

>>>>>a) You should be on antibiotics if this is your diagnosis. You may have nausea, chills, fever, and you generally feel like sh*t all over, especially in your tummy/pelvic/lower back.

Yes, the pills are huge! Like bigger than calcium supplements - which I didn't think was possible.

>>>>>>b) corticosteroids or other treatments- because it could be one of those autoimmune reactions. Alternative medicine probably has the best answers. I have used a supplement called d-maltose to cure and prevent my chronic UTI's when my bacteria no longer responded to the 4 most commonly prescribed antibiotics...

I was gonna have to go on c-steroids for .... GI stuff? (that's the most graceful way I can say that) THey were hesitant because it's bad for my osteoporosis. Not only do I have it, but severe cases of it are heriditary in my family. Plus, I told them if it made me gain even more weight that I'd kill myself, guaranteed. I had just finished gaining 35lbs again and my mind could not tolerate even the possibility of more.

>>>> c)Finally, you may have endometriosis. Some women have rogue wandering bits of uterine tissue that just decide to take a little journey throughout the pelvic/abdominal region.

LadyDoc mentioned this before I had to leave her. But she couldn't order tests or really invest the time to monitor me that much cause the rules stated that for the last two "months of grace" she was only to be promoting their version of "closure" to my file.

This other guy I've seen only says to take over-the-counter stuff -- like I wasn't already maxing out the daily doses of all that stuff.

>>>> d)I'm sure you know about irritable bowel.

Yes, that seems to be residual damage from the ED. I already take alot of med to keep the GI tract moving. I just gave up solids for so long that it never really "woke up" once I started eating food again. They prescribe drinking gastric prep fluid whenever one symptom is bad (like the stuff you take if you're gonna have a colonoscopy. it's the fowlest tasting substance on the planet.) I could write volumes on this subject but it's so lovely that I think I'll leave it at that.

>>>> 2) Discomfort at being a patient. This is never fun. I get twitchy and startled when I'm in the office being examined.

I mostly just panic because I'm so dependant on these people who haven't been able to help. My quality of life is gonna depend on them giving enough of a sh*t to listen to more than a 30sec. summary of symptoms. The docs I've seen can't tolerate more than one symptom at a time (maybe two if they're patient), and interupt if you try and string more than three sentences together. I've tried using medical jargon to keep their interest but it only makes me sound pompous too, nevermind an anxious, neurotic female.

I've written out stuff before and they don't want to read it - even when it's been condensed to point form notes on one page. I've tried, but time is money and someone else is already scheduled to come in in five minutes. They don't really even look you in the eye. Most of the time they only talk while they are writing something down - I assume so they can't see the tears in your eyes, or the pain in your eyebrows, or the dejection in your shoulders. I really can't get over how little they look at you.

>>>>Be persistent- ask the doctor to tell you EXACTLY why a particular illness can or cannot be ruled out. Take notes during your visit, if necessary. Ask the doctor if there is a test that will help rule out a particular illness, and if so- whether you need the test. Be pushy- some doctors like that! It's your body, after all.

I've found it terribly hard to be taken seriously once they hear of my psychiatric history. Mainly the anorexia. When they hear that I spent years walking around like a skeleton while proclaiming that I was fine and even too fat, then my credibility in interpreting feelings and pain now shrinks into oblivion. I think it's already hard enough for women's physical symptoms to be taken seriously and not be prescribed an SSRI for everything -- I think we're way more likely to be accused of mistaking emotional for physical pain.
I know it does happen, but it's not the answer all the time. Then when they hear that I take an occassional ativan, that's the end. That's how I can get prescribed that instead of real meds last winter, until I went gasping to a female doc in the hospital. Each contact I have with the medical system just discourages me even more, makes the ability to speak even harder. But what else can I do but keep going?! Nothing.

>>>>It helps me to remember that doctors have to submit to embarassing medical examinations themselves as well.

I loved LadyDoc cause she really helped with stuff like that. Not only explaining procedures, but she'd talk with me a little before jumping into everything. She would even tell me what she was feeling when she has had similar procedures done. I miss her so much. She made such a difference. It was easier to suffer when she was beside me.

>>>> 3) Pain from your T dumping his personal issues in your lap. I'm sorry this is causing you so much stress. It's not fair. It's a really sh*tty thing for a friend to do. Lemme try to create an analogy- let's say that I have recently broken up with my boyfriend. On the one hand, I'm trying to move on, and heal my old wounds. But it's impossible to do so when he keeps on calling ME asking ME to help him heal HIS wounds too! It's the worst conflict of interest. Your T has become the patient, and he has placed you in some marginal position of being either the object of his love, the source of his psychological pain, and the reason for his malpractice. Your T has made SO MANY mistakes, it's simply inexcusable.

I know. Kind of. I think I know. But under all the "mistakes" is a regular human, who makes human mistakes, and I find it hard to fault him for that. If anything I want to help him heal. I'm used to that role, taking care of others. And he knew that, I think maybe that's why he has opened up to me so much.

>>>>> Elaine, you deserve to feel better physically and emotionally. Please continue to write more. I want to hear more about you. I think you share many things in common with other people on this board. Please share with us, especially if it helps you contain your pain, and cope with it. You don't have to be all alone in these struggles. I know you are feeling kind of paranoid, so don't feel that you have to write specifics. Just tell us what you're feeling. That's enough.

Thanks Li. You are such a big help. I'm grateful for you all and just hope someone will tell me to shut up when I need to. I do tend to overexpose but if I had to choose between that or withdrawing completely, then I'd choose the former -- I don't seem to be able to find the happy-medium yet.

I love you, and I love all babblers. I'm amazed at how much others can offer while still going through so much of their own pain.




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