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Re: Unfortunately, and very fortunately, yes

Posted by Dinah on October 21, 2005, at 8:06:20

In reply to Re: Unfortunately, and very fortunately, yes Dinah, posted by Annierose on October 20, 2005, at 22:09:39

Hmmm... You've got a point. Something may have happened to her that has her changing her perspective. In which case she needs to sort out what's hers from what's yours.

I sort of smiled when I read your father's comment because two very different of my relatives came to mind. One was my father, who was quite capable of such statements himself. I knew he loved me dearly, so I chalked up his comments to either screaming insensitivity or his feeling sulky because he felt neglected. Either one was historically possible. But my aunt made the same sort of statements and they felt completely different coming from her. Because I knew she disapproved of me, and her statements were not resting on a basis of affection.

That made me wonder how much your therapist is looking at the relationship as a whole, as opposed to particular behaviors.

I thought it was great that you stood up to your father and pointed out what it was that he said. That's what I finally did with my aunt, though not very humourously as I recall. On the other hand, it was pretty effective long term. I don't recall, on her deathbed, feeling overly sorry that I had stood up for myself. I may have felt sorry that circumstances were such that we never had a close relationship. There are all sorts of things we could reflect on at those times, and a lifetime of never changing the way you interact, or feeling like you've allowed him to treat you badly, is one of them.

I hope that you and your therapist are able to come to an understanding today. I always hate to out of sorts with my therapist for an entire weekend.

 

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poster:Dinah thread:569404
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051018/msgs/569745.html