Posted by Annierose on October 20, 2005, at 16:28:28
I know the answer. Yes. And even worse, talk to her about it. But that seems so grown up and I don't want to be grown up about it. Sulking.
I scheduled an additional session this week (total of 4) since I had spent the previous 4 day weekend with my parents, sibling + spouses, celebrating my father's birthday. I figured I may need additional support.
I have left all 3 sessions this week totally confused. Well, I left today's session angry. Yesterday I realized the confusion part. She was suggesting I try a different approach in talking with my father, if that would make me feel differently. I felt I was hearing mixed messages --- don't talk with your father vs. it must be your fault, try a different approach.
I began today's session talking about the mixed messages and gave her an example. I said, "Imagine your daughter is dating the class president, merit scholar. You find him charming and intelligent; he's successful. After a few months your daughter tells you that he is verbally abusive to her. Would you tell her, 'he's so smart, accomplished, he's not retarded (those were her exact words describing my father the previous session) that why don't you try talking to him, maybe you can work this out.' NO, you would not give her that advice. You would tell her to walk away, and fast." She paused and went into more psychobabble defending her position, but at the same time acknowledging that I was upset, that she doesn't care about my father, that I am the one she cares about, and she was wondering if I spoke to my father without anger, if I would feel better. She even went on to give me this "death bed" scenario --- PLEASE! Seriously, that put me over.
I let her know that I was feeling defensive and hostile, and I hated feeling that way. She didn't seem to be able to get through to me. I just got more enraged. She let a long silence go by, maybe 10 minutes, and then said, "I'm afraid our time is up." I stood up and said, "I am leaving today really angry." She asked me to repeat myself, and then I left. I went into the bathroom and noticed I had broken out in hives (something that used to happen in middle school when my depression started).
I guess I don't understand completely why I'm so mad. I don't know what I am going to say to her tomorrow. I really want to cancel but know that won't solve anything.
Any wise words for me?
poster:Annierose
thread:569404
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051018/msgs/569404.html