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Re: S.ideation ***strong trigger*** » ghost

Posted by B2chica on September 22, 2005, at 11:42:38

In reply to Re: S.ideation ***strong trigger*** » B2chica, posted by ghost on September 22, 2005, at 11:34:11

my boss knows all about my health, infact i've files ada papers to make it formal and he knows that. so that's why i think he's "documenting" (via email) all my mess ups. he Never used to do that, he's just come in and say i screwed up lets fix it (in a nice way). ever since he knew about the ADA forms he's been different.

it's so nice to hear you understand about the rock and hard place. and my friend is the one that saved me last year i was ready right then to act and he came to me and drove me to the ER (my first visit to hospital for depression) i owe him greatly. and am SO happy he's getting married and i want to be there. but getting through these hours is hard. it's weird.

you are so smart. i have the blade, its brand new so i'm going to go for a break outside and carve up the brick on the building. that way i cut but not me...maybe it will help. T and my pdoc...focus.
i will do all i can to hold off till then. but god these minutes last like hours....4 more till T.

thank you (more than you know)

> oh, sweetie, I’ll hug you forever. I wish I could help you! That’s awful about your boss—he knows you’re having health issues now, doesn’t he? That’d just be unethical to fire you.
> I think you might need to go to a hospital, too. (a good one—not the nightmare one you were at last time.) I understand what it’s like to want to do some things (like your friend’s wedding) but not want to live otherwise. It’s like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. you’re just stuck. but I think if the feelings of s. are too strong like the are now, you’re better off missing a wedding—I think your friend would understand that your health comes first. if you think you can make it till the weekend, maybe things will subside? only you can really tell.
> and get rid of the blade! even if it means carving up your desk to dull it. Do anything with it—just don’t hurt yourself with it. I wanted to do that before. but I dulled the blade so it wouldn’t cut. I think I vented a little bit by the effort it takes to dull a blade. or stab something other than you. anything other than you.
> don’t forget, you have TWO appointments today with people who care about you and your welfare very much. Can you make it until then?
> LOTS of love,
> ghost




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