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Re: S.ideation ***strong trigger*** » ghost

Posted by B2chica on September 22, 2005, at 11:25:18

In reply to Re: S.ideation ***strong trigger*** » B2chica, posted by ghost on September 22, 2005, at 10:31:03

(tears)i think my boss is setting me up to get fired. i just got another email (proof) saying he was 'very disappointed in my work" and he told me to redo it 'carefully this time'.
i can't take this ghost.

i know i need to go to the hospital to stay alive but my friend is getting married this weekend. i do want to go. but the feelings of S. are so strong RIGHT NOW. it's So confusing.

i feel like i ccan't hold on. i need help.
i'm looking at a blade right now, i need to throw it away.

i quit smoking and caffine this last week.

...will you hold me ghost?

> I think hour by hour is a good way to go when the death thoughts are so overwhelming.
> Technically I’m allergic to cats, too, but I stay medicated and try to keep the free hairs to a minimum. I know I shouldn’t have one, but I need her. :/
> It is SO hard to remember meds when I feel like crap. I’ll justify forgetting them by saying it’s a “liver-cleansing day” which I know is dumb. In the past I’ve had to set alarms to remind myself. The morning pills are the worst because I’m always in such a rush. I was going to try keeping some at work, but since I started eating breakfast at work (we get a morning break), I have more time and I tend to remember a bit more often. Plus there’s just so MANY pills. For months they were making me gag because there were just too many to swallow.
> It’s just hard, period. I hope you’ve made it another hour. You’re not a freak, at all. I promise.
> *hugs*
> ghost




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