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Re: S.ideation ***strong trigger***

Posted by rubenstein on September 21, 2005, at 10:27:48

In reply to S.ideation ***strong trigger***, posted by B2chica on September 21, 2005, at 10:22:03

>I have many of the same issues
It is so hard
just try to keep on swimmin
that is what I at least try to do
but the images
yes they are hard
and why can't they go away????

take care

i just can't stop thinking of my latest plan. i'm not even really depressed anymore. i think the meds are slightly kicking it. but not only do i imagine the step by step of it, i keep getting these visuals that i botch the job and become basically a vegetable, can't really communicate, can't really move. being in a hospital...
> this is scaring the crap out of me, literally scaring me! it's SO real! i guess that can be good cuz it's one defense about acting. but i just keep dwelling on it and it makes me more upset and then the S. thoughts, come back, then the images come giant circle of anxiety!
> i do the normal, try to watch tv, read, i've even been getting on treadmill a little each night and i still have them.
> i just had one that was very disturbing that's why i'm writing now (it was of a nurse lifting my heavy head to put a new pillow under my head-my head bobbled and slightly moved around and i was oblivious to everything.
> i see pdoc tomorrow at 6:00.
> i'm just really tired of being suicidal.
> i feel like i need to sh@t or get off the pot. do it or back away completely.
> i feel like such a everyone around me. that if i die i fail my hubby, if i don't i fail me.
> either way i loose.
> b2c.




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