Posted by Susan47 on July 29, 2005, at 20:36:56
In reply to Re: Lott: Question about recovering from transference, posted by deborah anne lott on July 28, 2005, at 22:09:00
You said, "For some of us who had less than great parenting, we're going to have intense feelings in therapy -- there's no getting around it -- and we really need to try to understand what's going on and not just lose ourselves in those feelings." I encouraged myself to lose myself in those feelings! I actually thought my therapist could handle that, that he would be tough enough to say, "Enough b*llshit, madam, get it out there!" But instead that poor man chased his tail like a puppydog, takin my voice messages some of which were purposely seductive although always made under the influence of drugs, which he may not have known for awhile ... oh, dear. But I knew. I did know. I have so much to say and nobody's interested. But I think I know what to do .. if my transference is safely out of the picture, but it isn't, because I still shake like a leaf, my heart pounds in my chest, and I start to physically hurt when I'm in public and I'm afraid he might be around. But at the same time I need him around, I need to see him, to hear what he has to say .. but he never really ever did talk to me. That's a fact. He used to sit there and say, "What is it you want from me, I'm not sure what you're looking for ..." so terribly strange, I thought, to try and make me feel like I shouldn't be there, he's, I think, very CBT-oriented although he says he adjusts the therapy to fit the situation. But I suspect that really, his CBT skills are what he really believes in. They're an easy fallback, I'm sure, when things get tough. And I suspect he relies on that quite a lot. So he was saying CBT-like things when the situation SO DID NOT require that. He definitely did try to get me off his hands fairly early on, and I knew it, and it hurt deeply, but I pushed through it, I pushed ahead anyway with developing the feelings that had been brought to the surface .. I encouraged my own downfall.
poster:Susan47
thread:534787
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050725/msgs/535436.html