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Loving your Therapist deborah anne lott

Posted by Susan47 on August 1, 2005, at 13:25:59

In reply to Re: Lott: Question about recovering from transference, posted by deborah anne lott on July 31, 2005, at 14:24:06

Thanks for posting me. It isn't actually the love that causes the pain, it's the grief of the not having. I think I was trying to say deny it, deny the love and it won't hurt.. but that isn't true. It's just a band-aid solution. It takes a long time to get to the wistful nostalgia stage, especially if you feel rejected, if you've had a bad termination. Love and termination in the therapy relationship just are not a good match unless you can resolve it properly. So in that case maybe it is better just to deny the love .. I mean, is a needy love a real love? It just seems to me that the client's love for the therapist is suffused with need, and therefore must be on some level an imitation of the real thing. I think maybe it can be argued either way depending on one's definition of love. I think it's really complicated. Whenever I've loved someone, unless it's my children, it's been unsuccessful. My own feeling is that I loved my therapist and he terminated me for my strong transference; that strikes at the heart of my inadequate feelings about my ability to love and be a love object. I hope I never get to the wistful nostalgia stage, because my own definition of love doesn't include neediness. I can only feel happy about loving someone when I don't feel I need something from them that can't be given. That's just what happens at a certain stage in therapy; if you've been cut off from your therapist at that stage ... before resolution... it's horrible.


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poster:Susan47 thread:534787
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050801/msgs/536374.html