Posted by daisym on June 4, 2005, at 0:53:30
In reply to Re: Trying to make peace and let go » Daisym, posted by pinkeye on June 3, 2005, at 20:30:50
OK, I'll try to channel my therapist for you:
Therapy is a safe place to begin to understand yourself and find self acceptance. No one is all good or all bad. If we understand what drives us, what our fears are and what keeps us from being happy, we begin to see how to change things.
You can choose to be happy or you can choose to not be unhappy. There is a distinct difference. Attachment, deep intimacy, is what most human beings crave. When we can't find it, we still long for it. If you discover you have the ability to actually allow someone to listen to you and to really be intimate with you (not sexually!) then you learn that this really scary thing is a good thing, a necessary thing. And we want it to continue. It is essential that we learn to transfer this trust and this ability to be intimate to someone outside of therapy, someone who can trust and be intimate with us as well.
Therapy is the practice field. If you are lucky, you get to practice until you get proficient. It often takes a long time, so many people discover their need for intimacy without discovering how to get this need met IRL.
Can we rethink about therapy changing the way you feel into maybe helping you figure out how to get this need met? I believe the longing is the most painful part. I'm stuck right there right now. I have to trust that my therapist can help me through this into the next phase. I don't want to long to have him meet this need forever.
I know this didn't answer your question. But I think the answer lies in the process, in finishing the process. Otherwise we simpy force those feelings and longing back into a box, we keep choosing to not be unhappy, ovr and over again, but the feelings break free again and again. I hope your new therapist can help you stick with the process and come out on the other side, and choose to be happy. I hope the same thing for me.
poster:daisym
thread:507378
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050528/msgs/507523.html