Posted by Susan47 on June 3, 2005, at 17:44:16
In reply to Trying to make peace and let go, posted by pinkeye on June 3, 2005, at 15:36:56
> So - once again, I am trying to make peace (for real this time) and let go of my ex T. Instead of trying to desperately hang on to him.
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> He is a very good guy basically, and I think I liked him a lot for that. But the extra dependancy and attachment and intense abandonment issues are all probably transference from my issues with my dad.
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> And my anxiety about my father and my intense longing for my dad and my abuse and conflicting relationship was probably what caused me so much of hurt and longing for my ex T.
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> But now I have understood it, I should really try to let go of my ex T right? After all, he is married with a good wife and good family. I wouldn't want to try to hang on to him. And my husband is turning out to be a real decent person also. And I do like my husband more these days.
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> So wouldn't it make sense for me to leave my dependancy on my ex T and instead try to focus and build a more rewarding relationship with my husband?I think you're already doing what makes sense, which is to work out your dependancy on your ex-Therapist. I think you have to find someone to help you work through this, again. You have to find another male therapist who affects you the way this one did. And you have to work it through this time. You have to tell this new therapist about this last experience, probably the sooner the better, so he has a chance to think about his approach. Or send you elsewhere. Because he should probably know as much as you do, about the problem, you know, as soon as possible.
I never did shop around for a therapist, and I never turned back when I knew I was in trouble with the ex-T. I never wanted anyone else to help me. I wanted it to be me, through him. I was fortunate that he let it work that way.
I was very lucky. I had a love lesson to learn, and I chose to love a person who let it be safe for me. And he helped me help myself, just by being quiet, accepting, and soft .. and he's so very beautiful, I was lucky. Because looks matter to me, that's one of my flaws, it's a terrible one because I'm not that attractive, not really.. you know, it took the most amazing experience for me to see myself the way others might. A combination of experiences, really, at the right times and the right places .. made me see that so much of the stuff in my life this last year has been gifted to me.
This is pretty sappy stuff, really.
The stuff of a good story, in any case, to my mind. Hah.Pinkeye, you're probably a very beautiful woman. I think you most likely are. I think you don't see your beauty and your power, your intelligence and the love you're capable of. I think you've been taught to keep your beauty under wraps, so to speak, because your loving ways might have been misconstrued by the wrong people in the wrong ways, and put you into danger. Your loving feelings being stronger toward your husband, that's a by-product, a lovely one, of the way you're maybe beginning to accept and love you. Sappy stuff, that's what life is sometimes, imo. I'm a pretty sappy person, I guess. I hope you get this worked through, Pinkeye, and keep talking about everything too ...
poster:Susan47
thread:507378
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050528/msgs/507427.html