Posted by annierose on May 10, 2005, at 15:38:56
In reply to Re: I could be so much happier. **trigger**, posted by pinkeye on May 10, 2005, at 15:13:20
Pinkeye -
How your father treated you, is not your fault. I know this sounds hard, but he was cruel. He abused his privilege as your father, and blurred the boundaries into a completely different type of proper father/daughter relationship. You are not to blame for his behavior. Any person living under those circumstances would have troubles later on. That is certain.Please continue your hard work in therapy. You need to understand that it's not your fault. It's okay to be angry with a situation that wasn't within your control.
Setting personal boundaries must be very difficult for you. Is your husband aware of your relationship with your father? I hope you find the courage to start finding out what "pinkeye" wants and needs to live a more fullfilling life, in whatever country she lives in.
Do you ever discuss sexual matters with your T? I find your husbands refusal of sex interesting.
Baby-steps. Sometimes when I decide I need to start acting a certain way, I want to drastically change everything right now! I am learning, a more realistic and lasting approach is work on these changes more slowly. My husband has more time to get accustomed to the new "Annie" and how things are going to be from here on out. And I have more time to practice the new behavior. So it really does become a part of who I am.
Right now I'm working on not taking my husband's "garbage" when he gets angry. It's amazing that he is really starting to get it, that his tone and language are no longer acceptable, and it needs to stop. This change is taking close to a year ... so time is important.
I feel so much pain for you and your situation. I would like to ask your father, "what were you thinking?"
poster:annierose
thread:495224
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050504/msgs/496084.html