Posted by JenStar on September 10, 2004, at 11:37:12
In reply to Re: not sure i can / should keep doing this » JenStar, posted by shrinking violet on September 10, 2004, at 11:07:42
I'm sorry you feel isolated! You DO belong in the world! ;)
I feel isolated sometimes, too. There are times when I feel great and happy; then other times when I think there is no one alive who understands me, and no one who really WANTS to, and that life is such a difficult isolated journey...and it's very depressing.
About the T's: I guess I don't think of my/any T as being on a pedestal, per se... but I'm distracted by the difference in power in the relationship and that continues to bug me. I guess it's a control thing: I personally like to be the one to decide how/if the relationship advances (or at least to have 50% say in this), and when any other person is in more control of this is just irks me on some innate, internal level.
I don't necessarily think T's are all-knowing (and I appreciate it when they admit mistakes!). But some part of me just doesn't like it at all - that we're not on equal footing! I know the therapeutic relationship just wouldn't work any other way.... it just bothers me.
I actually think you hit on something HUGE when you said you wanted your T to know you are there for her if she needs it. I guess what bothers me is that the T (except rarely) NEVER needs it from us, the clients. The relationship is set up in such a way that we are unable to give back what we get, no matter how much we get, because of the imbalance in the relationship.
Of course, we give back in the sense that we 'improve' and that is the bottom line for a T in a way (success means that clients improve in various ways) but it's unsatisfying for ME. Giving can be more powerful and meaningful than receiving, and when that is denied to us -- it's hard to accept!
Oh well. Such is life, right?
I was thinking more about temporary relationships. I've had many: friends that come and go for various reasons (someone moved, we didn't click, we drifted apart); work relationships that advance or retreat, etc. Sometimes I feel a deep sense of loss when a friendship fades, and get that realization that it was doomed to impermanence from the beginning. But somehow the illusion of permanence makes it easier to start over and make new friends, sort of assuming that they'll always be around.
It's hard work to make new friends! It's hard! (At least for me...if anyone out there has advice on how to make it easier, please share!)
I guess if I knew ahead of time it was going to be temp, it would be harder to even try.
But still... in the end I put up the optimistic face and keep soldiering on.
I hope you can too. I really enjoy reading your posts here and think that you offer good insights...I know we probably don't always agree on things, but your posts make me think and determine how I feel about various topics, and I really value that.
thanks, and take care!
JenStar
poster:JenStar
thread:388901
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040905/msgs/389204.html