Posted by shrinking violet on October 8, 2004, at 21:18:15
In reply to Re: not sure i can / should keep doing this » shrinking violet, posted by littlegirllost on October 8, 2004, at 10:20:32
>> You give me hope in knowing that things have been a bit better for you between sessions. How wonderful that you were able to keep your T with you all week!! I wonder if I'll ever get there since it feels like things are getting worse for me. Maybe it's not really worse, maybe it's healing, but the days in between are hurting so much more.
I know, it DOES feel like things are getting worse. At least that's how it was for me for a long while. It did get better, though....the past week or so has been harder than it's been in a while, but still not as bad as when I started this post. It might get that bad again, it might not, but I don't think it would last forever. And I think it will get better for you, too. :)
> I'm sorry to hear about your car accident!! I hope it wasn't serious and that you are okay. I know it's not easy, but I encourage you to tell her what you wrote here. I think she'd be thrilled at your progress!!Thanks. No, not serious, but it took too much time and I had to miss my appt. When I called her to tell her, she was all concerned and suggested I go to the hospital, and to let her know if I needed anything. Last night, she sent me a sweet email in which she says she hopes I'm ok, and that she's thinking of me. I really needed to hear from her, especially since I didn't get to see her this week, so that note helped more than she probably knows. I might tell her at some point, if it comes up.
>> I have tried talking to my T about this, but it's just so hard especially since I numb and clam up while I'm there. We actually had a really good session last night, but today I feel as though I could die!I know the feeling. I have a really hard time opening up in session, too. *sigh*
>>She's been so wonderful about it, but I have a hard time sometimes accepting it and fear overstepping. You mentioned me needing more support in between sessions and also you email your T in between. May I ask how often you email? My T encourages me to call or email when I need to, and I've gotten a little comfortable with calling the next day (which is always the hardest), but I don't allow myself any more than that. I call or email once and that's it. She tells me I don't need to be so strict with myself, but I'm afraid not to, ya know?
I know, it *is* confusing. Hm, my T and I don't have any set number of emails that we send. She rarely initiates an email to me; more often I email her. I try not to, but....I always end up emailing about something or other; either an appointment change or something that happened in session that I need to get off my chest. Part of me wonders if I email her just b/c I need some contact with her in-between but don't want to come out and admit it to her, or ask for more direct and regular intersession contact. I mean, most of the issues that I email about I should be able to bring up during session, but either I end up reacting after session, or I forget during session. Anyway, she's been so great about it, but I feel horrible that I must bother her so much. But then she'll email me back, or send me an email asking me questions, which means I have to reply, and wonder if she's doing it consciously or not, but then I feel guilty all over again while glad that I have an excuse to contact her again.....it's a cycle. *lol* I'm trying really hard to go at least one week without bugging her in-between. It's been a while since that happened, though. :(
If I had to guess a number, I'd say I send at least one email per week; sometimes it's more if she responds and asks questions, or if I feel I need to respond to something she wrote. It isnt like I email her every day, but...still, I feel guilty about it even though it helps me stay connected to her, and it's comforting to hear from her.
As for you, I think you should talk to your T about it again. Maybe ask her if you could email her in-between if you need to, and ask her to come up with an agreement; maybe no more than 2 emails between sessions, or 1 call and 1 email, or just for a temporary time until you get past this rough spot. That way, you might not feel like you'll be overstepping bounds if you both know it's temporary and have agreed to certain "rules." And your T sounds like she understands how hard this is for you right now, and she did tell you to contact her if you need to.
Good luck, and take care. Let me know if I can be of any help!
-SV
poster:shrinking violet
thread:388901
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/400605.html