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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 34. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by gazo on March 19, 2007, at 16:26:10
I am new here and I am sorry if it's inappropriate to post here instead of the newbi-whatever forum. I am just strung out and i don't have the mental energy to deal with how-de-do's right now. I need input.
I have read and read and read about transference. I get it. I even have some idea as to what the original unmet needs were, etc. But it has done nothing to help. But this is more complicated than just feeling in love... please read before you respond.
I am female, seeing a male therapist roughly my age. I am in a "less than ideal" relationship... please insert damaging if you please. I am stuck in the issues surrounding that. My gentle, empathetic and calm therapist is exactly what i need and want. In considering leaving my relationship it is no big surprise that I would become desperately attached. Not only is there transference but something also called a transitional object. I would be substituting my BF dependence with dependence on the therapist... and THEN deal with the secondary dependence in a safe environment. SOunds good right? Wrong.
I am unable to continue with the current T. Not my fault and not his either. He has taken a new job elsewhere. I have to see a new T.
But I feel torn apart. I don't know this new T well enough to discuss my feelings for my previous T. I understand the difference between *real* love and transference but it doesn't help. I feel like I am in love. I know very little about him but I have such strong feelings I can hardly think about anything else. And he is being taken from me before we can address it!
What do I do? I am embarrassed about it and the new T isn't someone I trust yet.. I have hope I will but I don't just yet.
I am afraid I will have a breakdown and end up in the hospital or worse.
I found posts on here from a gal who is having or had an affair with her T and I couldn't stop reading. Now I am completely obssessed with the thought of it.
please help.. what do i do?
Posted by Dinah on March 19, 2007, at 16:52:10
In reply to a newbie in love, posted by gazo on March 19, 2007, at 16:26:10
Unfortunately there is nothing concrete that you can do. Just hold on until the worst of the emotional storm is past. Talking about it or posting about it among people who understand is helpful to some people.
I sort of went through something similar, and I did see other therapsists, and I also increased my medications until the worst was over.
It's a shame that things like this happen. But sometimes it can feel like a breakup or divorce and getting through it isn't really all that different. Love or transference or a bit of both, it all hurts.
I admire your attitude. I was pretty angry with my therapist when it happened, even though intellectually I understood that he wasn't intending to abandon me.
Posted by gazo on March 19, 2007, at 17:23:25
In reply to Re: a newbie in love » gazo, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2007, at 16:52:10
thank you for responding! I have to talk about this somewhere or I am going to implode! SOmetimes I do get angry at him, but I can't sustain it. Part of my issue is that I am afraid to express anger to men, and go figure with me having an abusive bF. I am afraid I will lose him even though i know i won't see him again anyway.. it's very confusing. I don't want him to be upset.
The thing that makes me mad isn't his having to leave exactly.. it's him not pushing me to talk about why I was so attached to him. He asked me if I meant romantically and I said no because I was embarrassed.. i didn't know about transferrence. He did. If he had given me some credit he could have explained to me why he was asking and that it happened to people. That would have made sense to me. So, I get mad because he didn't give me any credit and he held me at arm's length because he knwe it might be cut short.
I am completely fascinated with a poster from here... Jadah. I can't get enough. I have always known that my feelings were unrealistic and probably some sort of sumbolism or something. But to hear someone actually lived out the fantasy? Wow. It put things in a whole new realm for me.
would i sleep with him if things happened the way they did for her? Damn straight. I know I would. Would I try to initiate that? No. I don't think about him in a sexual way really, even though I would jump at the chance to sleep with him. I don't picture him as a father figure either.
I have no idea what he really represents to me, I just know some of the issues that have probably started it.
I imagine spending time with him in other situations. I imagine walking and tlaking about just stuff. I imagine conversations with him. That last bit is very helpful actually because the imaginary T is able to handle issues better.. I do know it's all still me but it makes it easier to mull over things by pretending to talk to him about it in my head.
Posted by Dinah on March 19, 2007, at 17:42:06
In reply to Re: a newbie in love, posted by gazo on March 19, 2007, at 17:23:25
lol. Well, when I tell my therapist that I've had a conversation with him completely in my head, and so felt that I didn't need to call him, he'll say that he's sure the therapist in my head is better than the real him anyway. :)
Likely the lovers or parents or whatever else we have in our minds with our therapists is better than the real thing too. I'm lucky to have gotten to know mine well enough to realize that I really get the best part of him. And while I may want that part of him forever and ever, I just as soon leave it on that level.
I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to know your therapist well enough to realize that you'd rather have him as a therapist than a lover.
Today's therapists seem to get surprisingly little information on how to appropriately handle client feelings for them. It's as if the ones who aren't psychoanalytically trained are trained with the idea that the therapies they conduct will be untouched by emotions. Some have the self confidence to delve into it, and the sensitivity to do it helpfully. Others don't really. It might not be his fault so much as his training, if he was mainly trained in CBT or one of the other therapies that are thought not to depend on relationships. Particularly if he knew therapy would be artificially ended.
Did you know upfront that he might be moving away?
I can't tell you how long it took for me to let my therapist know how much he meant to me, and it took even longer till he believed me. I'm still not sure he does.
Posted by gazo on March 19, 2007, at 18:19:43
In reply to Re: a newbie in love » gazo, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2007, at 17:42:06
i understand completely. i have a pdoc as well that i have seen for years and he recently reminded me it took a couple of years for me to trust him. i love my pdoc to detah, just like i love my friends.. nothing more. i feel *completely* safe and accepted with this T. i am consumed with him.
no, at first i did not know, and i did not have a choice in who to see. That part is complicated, it's all about agencies and low-cost services, etc. But i knew i would be focussed on it ending if i didn't ask, so i did. He told me straight away then that he might have to leave but i stayed with him anyway. i honestly thought all i needed was some brief support while i ended my BF relationship. i didn't understand even what a mess that was going to be.
i think we both thought it wouldn't be an issue. Then i just fell head over heels. Just by listening, caring and not yelling at me he is meeting more of my needs than my long term BF has. I am not afraid of him like i am with my BF.
i loved my bf and when he started abusing me verbally, emotionally and mentally i tried harder and harder to please him and became stuck in the patterns that go with all of that. Leaving my BF is not the same as if he had never abused me.. trust me. I really needed a stable caring person who was unbiased to turn to.
now, with him leaving it has intensified the love feelings as i equate losing him with losing the abuser i try so hard to please. i'm like a abused dog that crawl's back to it's owners feet.
so not only do i need to deal with the crumbling relationship with my BF but also the one person i have felet cared for by. it has resulted in me clinging even harder to my BF.
i worry about my sanity and my safety. Not in an immediate way, but in the long run.
Posted by Dinah on March 19, 2007, at 19:44:00
In reply to Re: a newbie in love, posted by gazo on March 19, 2007, at 18:19:43
There are nice guys out there who can listen and care and treat you well.
Just have faith in that fact even if it's hard to believe right now.
I honestly find it hard to believe how many times people need to find a therapist to talk about the ending of their previous therapy, in addition to what brought them into therapy to begin with. I was talking to my therapist about that just last week.
Posted by gazo on March 19, 2007, at 20:00:07
In reply to Re: a newbie in love » gazo, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2007, at 19:44:00
i'm sorry if i am on your replies like white on rice. i have to admit i have wasted two whole days doing nothing useful except lookng for information about this.
i resisted therapy until i was too broken emotionally not to go. Therapy is a f***ed up thing if you ask me. Therapists and such seem to think it's all natural and perfectly normal yadda yadda yadda. Nowhere does anyone say what to do about the horrible pain! It's like none of them want to look at the terrible truth, that therapy invites you to form unnatural attachments to people for money. Then it's *your* issue when it doesn't feel right.
The whole process is geared to hooking into your most vulnerable places... but they never do any sort of interview or assessment to see if you can handle that. Not everyone can! There is often no plan to get you back out.
i tell people to RUN from therapy if they can.. but a self help book, post on the net... read tea leaves... whatever you can do. These sort of love feelings are the most painful thing ever.
Posted by gazo on March 19, 2007, at 20:04:22
In reply to Re: a newbie in love, posted by gazo on March 19, 2007, at 20:00:07
all i can think about is having him with me. just chatting, hanging out, doing nothing really. i want him to *know* me... i don't think about him sexually exactly, more like i want HIM to think of me that way. I think about him constantly, but what I want is for him to want me.
Posted by Dinah on March 19, 2007, at 21:16:44
In reply to Re: a newbie in love, posted by gazo on March 19, 2007, at 20:00:07
One therapist I worked with did hand out a disclosure statement at the beginning of therapy and did warn of attachment. But it certainly isn't universally done.
My therapist swears to me that the number of clients who get attached to him is very small, and that he wouldn't really have understood the client side except for hearing babble stories from me.
I guess that could possibly be true. That it may be a minority of clients who get intensely attached.
But for those minority, I halfway agree with you. It does seem like a relationship set up to mimic other types of relationships in our life, but with no possibility of following up on the promises. I say halfway, because I think if you can stick with a therapist long enough those issues can lessen. But the number of times when therapy terminates before that happy moment seems distressingly high.
My therapist's point of view is that yes, the therapy situation does mimic other relationships in our life, and does set up unrealistic desires, but that a careful therapist can minimize that with careful words and actions. I'm not altogether sure that's true. First of all, he claims to be careful with his words and actions yet I still got attached, and second, I've seen here all ranges of styles of therapists that people do get attached to.
On the other hand, therapy really can do wonderful things. I learned to control my OCD with CBT techniques. I've learned a lot about myself and my reactions. There are so many ways that therapy has helped me.
Maybe it's just one of those areas in life where the most benefit comes with the most risk. We take huge chances trusting our therapists and sometimes we get hurt, but other times the payoff is pretty darn good in terms of better emotional health. Which doesn't make those who are hurt hurt any less, and I'm really sorry that you've been hurt.
Posted by gazo on March 19, 2007, at 21:25:01
In reply to Re: a newbie in love » gazo, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2007, at 21:16:44
Thank you for caring. :)
i think your therapist maybe has a high percentage of clients who don't admit their attachment? Then again, i have never become attached to my pdoc quite like this. Of course, he has never tried to leave me either.
i also see so many people damaged by therapy and spending so much time trying to get over the help they sought. it's like needing a vacation from your vacation!
i hate this.. it's like an addiction that you no control over.
Posted by Honore on March 20, 2007, at 5:17:35
In reply to a newbie in love, posted by gazo on March 19, 2007, at 16:26:10
You could discuss the feelings you have for your current T with a new T without going into the exact type of feelings.
A lot of what you're experiencing could be romantic love, or it could be a desire and need for a dependable and caring other or object, or a substitute parents or various other feelings. You don't have to specify at first, until you trust your new T enough.
Even talking in a general way about your sense of loss, and your dependence, and then desire to get away from your damaging BF relationship, might lead to working through the forced separation. Plus it could possibly help you not to go back to a bad relationship in the aftermath of the disruption.
It may be that you don't quite understand the nature of the connection to your T. Maybe it's romantic, but maybe, over time, you'd find that the romantic element would be superceded by a sense of companionship or confidence.
Plus if the erotic element in a relationship with a T is too intense, it maynot be terribly helpful in the long run. Each therapy relationship is different, but the extremely erotic ones may often end without really being transformative. A certain amount of erotic feeling (transference or "real--whichever you prefer) might be fine, but when it moves to obsession and degrees of fixation such as that, it may be better to have some way of withdrawing and finding a less fraught of potentially destructive type of connection.
I hope that you'll be able to ride out the loss and find someone else who can provide comfort and understanding without an uncomfortable intensity.
Honore
Posted by gazo on March 20, 2007, at 8:20:41
In reply to Re: a newbie in love, posted by Honore on March 20, 2007, at 5:17:35
I think you have hit the nail on the head in many ways. I deeply appreciate the thougthfulness of your reply.
It is very hard to describe without using the language used to describe romantic love. In ways it crosses lines and becomes indistinguishable. It is very difficult for me to admit that I have these feelings, even here where no one knows me.
I blush when I see it phrased as erotic.. but I suppose it is. I never fantasize about him in an overt sexual way... but I do long for an intimacy of some indescribable way with him.
When push comes to shove I believe that I will never have a deep, healthy relationship with anyone unless I can sort out what this all means in me. In that way it has the potential to be useful.
But what happens if I *can't* work through it? What happens if I am unable to unravel it far enough? Not only wll I be unable to connect with a real person, I will be trapped in this longing indefinitely.
The impending goodbye has brought this all to a head. I had these feelings but had been managing until recently. I knew from the start that I was idealizing him, so I did my best to ignore it. But it is raw and unresolved.
I like your compromise solution. If I focus mostly on the separation aspect I think there is a lot of help he can give me. Thank you. I hadn't considered it that way.
In the next 6 days, until I see my new T, and then the next day say goodbye to my former T, what do I do? How do I stay sane? How do I keep myself from walking by his office? or calling?
Is there nothing I can do to ease the intensity?
Posted by canadagirl on March 20, 2007, at 8:26:08
In reply to a newbie in love, posted by gazo on March 19, 2007, at 16:26:10
Hi there, I think the important thing here is, since you can't see T #1 anymore, to allow yourself as much time as you need to process and to think about that relationship. Give yourself permission to think about it and to mourn for it. Let yourself obsess for a bit. This was an important relationship to you - transference or not. And it takes time, a lot of time, to get through those feelings. I think the emotional breakdown comes when we try to stuff the feelings and not allow ourselves to feel them. When we tell ourselves to "get over it".
Even though you don't think you are ready, you might try to put some of it, anyway, out there with #2. I wasn't ready to discuss with #2 T my feelings for #1 T but I since time was running out (due to insurance) if I didn't talk about it then there would go my chance. So I did, ready or not, and found an understanding response from #2 which normalized everything I felt. Eventually that real intense sadness and longing did go away, it's been over a year now and it's truly like night and day from that time. I hope that you can get through this too.
Posted by gazo on March 20, 2007, at 8:59:01
In reply to Re: a newbie in love » gazo, posted by canadagirl on March 20, 2007, at 8:26:08
Thank you! I am in Canada as well. I can't fathom why T's are not covered. Well, I suppose they are in you go through "the system." In my experience the mental health clinics with free services offer the worst T's and you end up waiting so long to get inadequate service. It's sad that mental health is on the bottom of the ladder.
I am with you and Honore. I think those are excellent ideas.
It seems cruel that I need a T to get over my T. Will I fall for this one too? I am spending more time trying to deal with this than the original issue which drove me into therapy in the first place. This is all consuming and I am neglecting important responsibilities. If I don't stop this obssessing I will do permanent damage to my life.
All I can think about is him.
Posted by gazo on March 20, 2007, at 9:28:44
In reply to a newbie in love, posted by gazo on March 19, 2007, at 16:26:10
I have to ask... what could be so bad if i did manage to get something to happen with him? I read about people succeeding at this and I envy them. Carl Jung had a relationship with one of his patients.. and some other prominent female analyst married one of her former patients. It can't always be wrong can it?
I mean, is it always transference? Aren't a lot of relationships tranference anyway?
I think it would be fulfilling one of the deepest desires I have ever had... I think many people get miserable afterwards because once they have what they want, they need to want something else. What would happen if you worked those issues out but still had a relationship with the T?
Oh god.
I read somewhere that love at first glance was just transference. I don't know if I believe that. It dehumanizes something about love feelings which are spiritual to me. I don't think you can put all of our emotions in a test tube. I have to believe that we sometimes recognize a kindredness in another... even before we get to know the whole person.
I don't believe in the traditional sense of reincarnation.. but I do believe in the idea that part of us continues on. I believe we are all made up of components of other people before us. So, for me, the recognition of that kindredness is a spiritual belief. Part of me recognizes part of him possibly. It's hard to determine. The concept of transference is more likely in this case, but I cannot draw myself away from this.
Posted by canadagirl on March 20, 2007, at 9:50:50
In reply to Re: a newbie in love))canadagirl, posted by gazo on March 20, 2007, at 8:59:01
>>It seems cruel that I need a T to get over my T. <<
I had to laugh here because this is exactly what I thought about myself.
>>Will I fall for this one too? <<
I thought about that with #2 as well, but nope, no chemistry. LOL
>>I am spending more time trying to deal with this than the original issue which drove me into therapy in the first place. This is all consuming and I am neglecting important responsibilities. <<
Yes, I hear ya! But I also believe it won't last forever. I believe it is worse because it is a "forced separation" as he moved right? (As mine was, because the insurance ran out and I couldn't go back to that particular provider as it was connected to a former workplace). I think it is way worse than when you can terminate in your own time. That's part of it, I think. Those intense feelings are part of the separation and the fact that there was no real closure. I think that is a huge part of the loss. But in my experience, it does get better, it just takes time. You likely won't always feel so distracted and in such pain, it just feels right now like it will never end.
Posted by one woman cine on March 20, 2007, at 10:31:08
In reply to Re: a newbie in love, posted by gazo on March 20, 2007, at 9:28:44
>>>>>I read about people succeeding at this and I envy them. Carl Jung had a relationship with one of his patients.. and some other prominent female analyst married one of her former patients. It can't always be wrong can it?
You can also look through the babble archives and see the people who "have succeeded" - alot of damage can be wrought that one cannot possibly fathom at the time.
Posted by gazo on March 20, 2007, at 16:56:28
In reply to Re: a newbie in love))canadagirl » gazo, posted by canadagirl on March 20, 2007, at 9:50:50
> >>Will I fall for this one too? <<
>
> I thought about that with #2 as well, but nope, no chemistry. LOLI worry about that actually. I deliberately avoided women and old men. I do not want a daddy figure. I want there to be that chemistry because I don't think I will be open if it isn't there. I don't want to end up longing for the guy like now, but I do want to feel vulnerable... because then he can walk around my defences. (please don't anyone suggest I just not be defensive...I am going to therapy for a reason ;o) )
> I believe it is worse because it is a "forced separation" as he moved right?... Those intense feelings are part of the separation and the fact that there was no real closure. I think that is a huge part of the loss.I think so too. I was honestly able to work within a framework in spite of, or because of those feelings. If he had explained to be about transference, or once i found it myself, I would have eventually talked to him about them then. Instead I am having an artery cut out.
>You likely won't always feel so distracted and in such pain, it just feels right now like it will never end.
The trouble is I have responsibilities *now.* If I don't get my head on straight I am going to be fired.. and not next week... Now.
Posted by gazo on March 20, 2007, at 17:02:09
In reply to Re: a newbie in love, posted by one woman cine on March 20, 2007, at 10:31:08
> >>>>>I read about people succeeding at this and I envy them. Carl Jung had a relationship with one of his patients.. and some other prominent female analyst married one of her former patients. It can't always be wrong can it?
>
> You can also look through the babble archives and see the people who "have succeeded" - alot of damage can be wrought that one cannot possibly fathom at the time.
>I haven't searched, but this site is where I first saw posts from anyone who had an affair with her T. I was captivated. Even though she begged everyone to not do as she had done, she talked an awful lot about things she got from it.. like how well he treated her when they did get intimate, something she had not had before.
You are possibly right.. but I can't help but think it can't *always* be wrong or harmful, can it?
Posted by gazo on March 20, 2007, at 18:10:45
In reply to Re: a newbie in love, posted by one woman cine on March 20, 2007, at 10:31:08
There is another response to above that I forgot to put your name on.
I found this while searching this site:
"...My T goes out of his way to meet my emotional needs when I am doing poorly. He worries about me and takes me seriously, he doesnt question what i am capable of doing and he therefore is there whenever I need him, even if it just means a late night phone call to calm me down, or a quick hug. Sex aside, he is the best goddamn therapist on the face of my planet and believe me, over the years Ive been to many and no one has ever helped me and succeeded in my growth like he has."
Posted by canadagirl on March 21, 2007, at 5:14:52
In reply to Re: a newbie in love))canadagirl, posted by gazo on March 20, 2007, at 16:56:28
Re getting fired, I really do understand as I was completely distracted too. I mean completely. What I tried to do, was only think about the situtation during certain times of the day. If I was at work, I would have to compartmentalize it and deal with it later. Didn't always work but it did sometimes, enough that I could get through it.
Also, you say you haven't left #1 yet, a suggestion - you might want to do everything you can to get those feelings out as much as possible without starting a new case or whatever since he is leaving. You might want to think of a strategy of what to say so that you can be honest, and reveal, yet contain, if you know what I mean. But if you still have some time left, you can at least use up some of those emotions in the session, with him, although it will be very hard. I think you will get a helpful response, from what you have written about him. I understand how hard it is, believe me. It's an awful time to go through.
Posted by one woman cine on March 21, 2007, at 9:43:53
In reply to Re: a newbie in love}}onewomancine, posted by gazo on March 20, 2007, at 18:10:45
check out the posts from tinydancer - I think she did have an affair - it was OK intially, but eventually it was devastating - there are more examples of it devastating the patient and wreaking havoc, rather than being a postive experience.
I found this to be a decent site - browse around -
http://psychjourney.com/Professional%20Boundaries%20Series.htm
Posted by gazo on March 21, 2007, at 11:09:33
In reply to Re: a newbie in love))canadagirl » gazo, posted by canadagirl on March 21, 2007, at 5:14:52
omg... i almost started to cry reading what you said. i'm not sure why but it touched a nerve. i think it's what you said about using the last appt and that i'd get a good response... I am pretty sure i would. He just has a lot of empathy and he is very sweet. i think that is it... thinking about how nice he would be if i did talk to him about it.
I have to ask him why he didn't tell me about transference once he knew i was attached to him. He asked me about seeing another T at one point, before he was sure of leaving, and I said no because I liked him... I remember it exactly, his eyebrows went up slightly and he said"...now by that do you mean you LIKE me?" I was mortified so I said no, that I was comfortable with him. That part was half true. I am not good at connecting with people. But had he explained to me why he asked it that way, that sometimes people developed overattachments and it was normal... well, that would have been a different ball game.
i mean, why not tell me? It's bothering me and I am a little bit hurt and angry about it... but i cannot show him anger because that is part of my issue in the first place!
i *have* to get that contract done and filed.
> Re getting fired, I really do understand as I was completely distracted too. I mean completely. What I tried to do, was only think about the situtation during certain times of the day. If I was at work, I would have to compartmentalize it and deal with it later. Didn't always work but it did sometimes, enough that I could get through it.
> Also, you say you haven't left #1 yet, a suggestion - you might want to do everything you can to get those feelings out as much as possible without starting a new case or whatever since he is leaving. You might want to think of a strategy of what to say so that you can be honest, and reveal, yet contain, if you know what I mean. But if you still have some time left, you can at least use up some of those emotions in the session, with him, although it will be very hard. I think you will get a helpful response, from what you have written about him. I understand how hard it is, believe me. It's an awful time to go through.
Posted by gazo on March 21, 2007, at 11:16:34
In reply to Re: a newbie in love}}onewomancine » gazo, posted by one woman cine on March 21, 2007, at 9:43:53
i will go look for tinydancer. i had a look around and i found the one i quoted and i found another, in the UK i think?, and she was marrying hers. i am not saying it's a *good* idea, i can see some of the potential for harm because i know i would belong body and soul to them, and wouldn't be good. But, at the same time it presents a gray area to me, afterall most relationships are not really equal, there is frequently power imbalances. I think we often "fall in love" with people through transference processes... it's what happens in the long run that decides whether it'sgood or not. So, to me, the big issue becomes the strength of the transference and how well it went. If the T were actually a good person and the relationship was not just false, well I tend to think it could be the deepest relationship ever.
PS... how are you guys getting thos elittle ">>" things in the subject? when I try all I get are)).
Posted by gazo on March 21, 2007, at 11:37:42
In reply to Re: a newbie in love}}onewomancine » gazo, posted by one woman cine on March 21, 2007, at 9:43:53
wow. I appreciate your intent in giving the link, but that woman is out of her tree. ;o)
She obviously has some pretty unrealistic standards about some stuff that just could not apply in many cases. "I saw my T at the gymn." Whoopee. "I see my T at social functions"(or something like that).. she obviously has her pratice in a large city and sees clients outside of her own sphere. That isn't possible in most places I have lived unless the T were a cloistered monk or something. Once I ended up in a book group with a T i had seen. I run into my pdoc off and on at stores or various places... what's the guy supposed to do? Not buy groceries?
I saw a lot there that were obvious boundary crossing... but it was so mixed with inocuous "life stuff" that it was weird. I mean, how can you list "he/she gave me sex toys" with "i saw him/her at the gymn?"
She apparently has the idea that ANY crossing of paths is somehow bad treatment or damaging. I think it would be different if the T was joining social activities just to be near the patient.
I mentioned to my T that I was worried if I bumped into him somewhere that he would think I was doing something inappropriate. He asked me what I would like, if he pretended not to know me or if i'd prefer he say hello. That worked for me. I do see him off and on as his office is in someplace where i go occasionally for other things.
Thanks for taking the time to help though.
http://psychjourney.com/Professional%20Boundaries%20Series.htm
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