Posted by canadagirl on March 20, 2007, at 8:26:08
In reply to a newbie in love, posted by gazo on March 19, 2007, at 16:26:10
Hi there, I think the important thing here is, since you can't see T #1 anymore, to allow yourself as much time as you need to process and to think about that relationship. Give yourself permission to think about it and to mourn for it. Let yourself obsess for a bit. This was an important relationship to you - transference or not. And it takes time, a lot of time, to get through those feelings. I think the emotional breakdown comes when we try to stuff the feelings and not allow ourselves to feel them. When we tell ourselves to "get over it".
Even though you don't think you are ready, you might try to put some of it, anyway, out there with #2. I wasn't ready to discuss with #2 T my feelings for #1 T but I since time was running out (due to insurance) if I didn't talk about it then there would go my chance. So I did, ready or not, and found an understanding response from #2 which normalized everything I felt. Eventually that real intense sadness and longing did go away, it's been over a year now and it's truly like night and day from that time. I hope that you can get through this too.
poster:canadagirl
thread:742197
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070309/msgs/742419.html