Posted by gazo on March 20, 2007, at 8:20:41
In reply to Re: a newbie in love, posted by Honore on March 20, 2007, at 5:17:35
I think you have hit the nail on the head in many ways. I deeply appreciate the thougthfulness of your reply.
It is very hard to describe without using the language used to describe romantic love. In ways it crosses lines and becomes indistinguishable. It is very difficult for me to admit that I have these feelings, even here where no one knows me.
I blush when I see it phrased as erotic.. but I suppose it is. I never fantasize about him in an overt sexual way... but I do long for an intimacy of some indescribable way with him.
When push comes to shove I believe that I will never have a deep, healthy relationship with anyone unless I can sort out what this all means in me. In that way it has the potential to be useful.
But what happens if I *can't* work through it? What happens if I am unable to unravel it far enough? Not only wll I be unable to connect with a real person, I will be trapped in this longing indefinitely.
The impending goodbye has brought this all to a head. I had these feelings but had been managing until recently. I knew from the start that I was idealizing him, so I did my best to ignore it. But it is raw and unresolved.
I like your compromise solution. If I focus mostly on the separation aspect I think there is a lot of help he can give me. Thank you. I hadn't considered it that way.
In the next 6 days, until I see my new T, and then the next day say goodbye to my former T, what do I do? How do I stay sane? How do I keep myself from walking by his office? or calling?
Is there nothing I can do to ease the intensity?
poster:gazo
thread:742197
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070309/msgs/742416.html