Posted by Avamaria on February 10, 2010, at 13:29:57
In reply to My own, posted by susan47 on August 26, 2009, at 18:59:11
Coming out of Transference. understanding now, things that I didn't understand before.
I must apologize, first of all to Psychobabble and "Dr. Bob" Hsuing and all of the people who became blindsided by my "Babbling". Dropping the sick persona of Susan47, becoming myself.
Understanding the damage that I caused with my sick, addicted brain, and apologizing also to the doctor whom I made into someone else, and by publicizing it in this manner, in this way .. getting myself into a great deal of trouble, although that is really secondary to the issue. The issue being that in my illness and my acting out of this illness, I became vitriolic, hostile, high-handed, and ill-mannered. In addition I allowed ALL of my anger and hostility from previous life relationships (childhood, infancy, and probably even in utero...) to explode in a damaging way. Damaging not only to myself. I am quite sure at this point, that this isn't the end of the road, for me.
Yet there is something of the feeling of being an experiment in all of this, for showing the true nature of myself and my psychosis and "letting it all out" ... a purging of the ugliest and most vile of personalities that I had allowed myself to become.
Sorry will not even begin to describe my feeling.