Posted by susan47 on June 4, 2008, at 19:29:52
when mentally ill, when vibrating at a less than optimum level,
and being attracted therefore, to those who are familiar,
whose vibration was in line with my own,
at the time,
and whose vibration keeps sucking me in,
eternally,
and the Guilt, the guilt of leaving him, and
leaving my children,
leaving them to live a completely dissolute life,
the guilt of that is just too much to bear.
Only now, I find I am losing myself more and more each day
in his own insanity, his own lowest of vibrations keeps pulling me down,
although perhaps it is only a mirror shadow of mine own self.Please, I want to be happy.
Please, I want to be free.
Please, I want my children to be happy and free, and whole, in body and soul,
and I wish I felt I were worth that too.In society, i am bpd.
and drug addicted (although it's only pot, i am not one of those who can handle it ... although it allows my pain to feel important and worthy of creation, it takes away my real life, in the outside world, where I Must Live...)
in my soul, i am aching and whole ... in psyche, i am distressed beyond measure
please, god,
please don't let me break before I get help,
before i get understanding,
before i can be healed,
please don't let me break.
Please love me.
Please love me.
Please love me, and please hold me.
I don't want to die, not yet.
I want to live a real life, first.
poster:susan47
thread:832961
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20071223/msgs/832961.html