Posted by Larry Hoover on May 19, 2005, at 8:15:45
In reply to Re: Lock up gave me PTSD *trigger* » alexandra_k, posted by Shy_Girl on May 19, 2005, at 0:42:24
> Hmmm...I have no idea what would be considered to be verrrrry likely then. I've always told her the truth and well, you know what goes on in my disturbed mind. :-) She's never even flinched.
You need to discriminate between suicidal ideation (talking about the thoughts related to suicidal impulses), and suicidal or para-suicidal acts.
> Maybe I'm not as suicidal as I think I am.
Frankly, I think you are worse than you think you are. That's why I keep urging you to copy off your "black" posts. I think you are in denial about how bad it can get for you.
> I must admit that sometimes my threats are not so much based on wanting to die, but on wanting to make others understand me. A way of communicating maybe...a very disturbed way of communicating?
You can learn new ways of communicating that. And, the new ways of communicating also change yourself. Acting differently changes you.
> > The aim is to prevent you from harming yourself or someone else.
>
> Sigh, yes, I understand on an intellectual level....emotional, that's another story.You've nailed the problem there. Have you, though, done all you can do in the cognitive realm? I'm sure you can see that you have not.
> > I suppose you are free to lodge a complaint - but what you would have to argue would be that they hospitalised you despite good grounds to think that you are not a risk to others or yourself. If there was doubt about your level of risk... Well, that sounds like that was precisely why you were hospitalised.
>
> I tried to convince the p-doc really hard that I was not a threat to myself...I listed very concret reasons like I live with my parents, I didn't take a lethal dose, I only wanted to fake an illness, etc. etc....but he was intent on locking me up :-(Think also in terms of consequences. Could this be a warning, "Don't go there" ?
> > From their perspective.
> > If they let you go home and you kill yourself your family could sue them. An intentional overdose is grounds to consider that you may be in danger of harming yourself.
>
> Yes, that makes sense...I guess to people outside it does look kind of messed up to take so much aspirin just to fake an illness to get out of taking an exam.Right.
> > If you don't want to be hospitalised then typically you can get around that by promising that you won't harm yourself, and by promising that you will contact someone if you do have the urge to harm yourself again. If you keep what you have promised then you shouldn't have too much trouble remaining out of hosiptal if that is what you prefer.
>
> I tried that, it didn't work...I guess my actions spoke louder than any of my words.Actions always trump words, in this context.
> > Seclusion is no fun at all.
> > I can assure you of that.
>
> What was seclusion like? I have no idea at all. Is it just a time-out room? Do you get locked in? That would sound very scary.Alex gave a lovely insight into the process. It is about total disempowerment. It is not where you want to ever go.
> > You can help the p-doc out there by guaranteeing safety - and sticking to safety contracts. Make sense???
>
> I don't know about contracts...I've never had to really make one. I can't really see how they can really work, but if making one will keep me from being locked up again...I'll make it.That's what I'm talking about. A management plan is sometimes formulated into a contract, often between a psychiatrist and a patient. It can contain anything, really, and it isn't binding in a court of law. The idea is that it addresses the cognitive commitment of the patient. A formal declaration that the patient recognizes some preplanned mechanisms to minimize or prevent future occurrences. It is purely a cognitive tool, in hopes the cognitive realm can guide behaviour in critical moments.
It takes time to set one up. They're individualized. I'm hoping you'll push to create a management plan.
> I wish I could be happy/sad/angry/fearful whenever I wanted...instead of being controlled so much by my environment.
Yes, but.....To a greater or lesser extent, your decisions alter your environment. You can avoid certain situations, if you learn how to do it. You can even come to see your own thoughts as being part of your mental environment, in real time. You can learn to self-observe, and to guide your thoughts towards a safer mental environment. You can learn to invoke your management plan. That takes training, received in cognitive-behavioural counselling.
> > In your 'rational' moments I don't think you really want to die.
>
> I'm just really confused right now. I don't know when I'm really "rational." I'm starting to question whether or not I really have insight into my problems.Read those "black" posts again.
Sorry for barging in. I'm hopeful that you can gain insight by answering some tough questions.
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:499309
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050513/msgs/499791.html