Posted by Shy_Girl on May 19, 2005, at 0:42:24
In reply to Re: Lock up gave me PTSD *trigger* » Shy_Girl, posted by alexandra_k on May 18, 2005, at 23:53:57
> I dare say...
> I dare say...
> That your p-doc would involountarily hospitilise you if she felt that you were verrrrrrrrry likely to act on an urge to kill yourself. It would be unethical for her not to do this.Hmmm...I have no idea what would be considered to be verrrrry likely then. I've always told her the truth and well, you know what goes on in my disturbed mind. :-) She's never even flinched. Maybe I'm not as suicidal as I think I am. I must admit that sometimes my threats are not so much based on wanting to die, but on wanting to make others understand me. A way of communicating maybe...a very disturbed way of communicating?
> The aim is to prevent you from harming yourself or someone else.
Sigh, yes, I understand on an intellectual level....emotional, that's another story.
> I suppose you are free to lodge a complaint - but what you would have to argue would be that they hospitalised you despite good grounds to think that you are not a risk to others or yourself. If there was doubt about your level of risk... Well, that sounds like that was precisely why you were hospitalised.
I tried to convince the p-doc really hard that I was not a threat to myself...I listed very concret reasons like I live with my parents, I didn't take a lethal dose, I only wanted to fake an illness, etc. etc....but he was intent on locking me up :-(
> From their perspective.
> If they let you go home and you kill yourself your family could sue them. An intentional overdose is grounds to consider that you may be in danger of harming yourself.Yes, that makes sense...I guess to people outside it does look kind of messed up to take so much aspirin just to fake an illness to get out of taking an exam.
> If you don't want to be hospitalised then typically you can get around that by promising that you won't harm yourself, and by promising that you will contact someone if you do have the urge to harm yourself again. If you keep what you have promised then you shouldn't have too much trouble remaining out of hosiptal if that is what you prefer.I tried that, it didn't work...I guess my actions spoke louder than any of my words.
> Typically... Typically... The most help you will find there is from the other patients.The patients there didn't talk much...plus I didn't want to talk much. It was so lonely and scary there...it was the weekend and there weren't any activities to fill the time. Not too many patients either...most went home on the weekends. It was real scary...a lot of "code whites" during the night...I even saw a nurse with leather restraints!!! In the middle of the night, I kept imagining that people where being wheeled off to get ECT or something...terrifying!
> Just like how the Babblers are helpful, the patients can be most helpful too. If you try and make the best you can of the situation then the nurses tend to find more time to talk to you as well...
Well, I don't ever intend on going to a hospital again, but thanks for the advice.
> Yup.
> It isn't so much 'sucking up and complying'. It is more about not throwing tantrums... and being polite.. and patient...I found it difficult not to throw a tantrum...I was so angry!
> And that sort of statement is the sort that is likely to keep you in there even longer... It shows that you are in danger of harming yourself as a matter of impulse.
Sigh, yes I know...it's just so frustrating...to have to be so "calm" when faced with such a situation. I did it somehow though, cuz they did let me out after 3 days :-)
> What is most likely is that you will be found in time and then get put in seclusion.
>
> Seclusion is no fun at all.
> I can assure you of that.What was seclusion like? I have no idea at all. Is it just a time-out room? Do you get locked in? That would sound very scary.
> You can help the p-doc out there by guaranteeing safety - and sticking to safety contracts. Make sense???I don't know about contracts...I've never had to really make one. I can't really see how they can really work, but if making one will keep me from being locked up again...I'll make it.
> Most times you think it would be better if you were dead.
> I understand that.
> I feel like that a fair bit.
> Some times you say that you don't really want to die - you just want the pain to stop.
> Some times you are happy to be alive.
> The times you are happy will become more frequent and longer lasting as you get better.
> The times you would prefer to be dead will become less frequent and won't last so long as you get better.I wish I could be happy/sad/angry/fearful whenever I wanted...instead of being controlled so much by my environment.
> In your 'rational' moments I don't think you really want to die.I'm just really confused right now. I don't know when I'm really "rational." I'm starting to question whether or not I really have insight into my problems.
Thank-you so much for the very thoughtful post Alexandra! It was very useful to me.
poster:Shy_Girl
thread:499309
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050513/msgs/499706.html