Posted by TexasChic on August 2, 2004, at 10:39:29
In reply to Re: Work Problem, posted by TexasChic on August 2, 2004, at 7:49:33
Okay, so I'm posting a little. I have a little break right now. Things went terrible this weekend. I tried to talk to my co-worker friend to no avail. She would just shake her head at anything I had to say like she had her mind made up. She said she wouldn't talk to me about it until Monday, which made me a nervous wreck all weekend. I called her, left her letters – nothing. I don't even know what she wants from me! I told her yes, I do have a problem getting motivated at the beginning of the cycle, which is why I asked to have the work split before hand so that I could ensure I was doing my fair share. She believes if I just stopped goofing off, I would get as much done as her and there would be no reason to split the pages. I eventually relented and told her what I didn't want to tell her, which is the fact that I have OCD, and it does sometimes interfere with my work. I did NOT want to admit this to ANYONE. But I did, thinking she was my friend and would understand. Apparently she didn't because I left her the letter saturday and called later in the day to ask that she at least let me know that she got it, but she wouldn't answer her phone or return my calls.
I sent my boss an email this morning saying I would like to speak with her about a problem I'm having. I'm tempted to try to explain OCD to her, and that I do compulsively open the internet all the time. That its a compulsion, like a tic or something. I don't even look at it when I open it at least 75% of the time. I open it, open my email, close it, and do it again 5 minutes later. I hate this. I don't want to admit this because I have fought so hard to overcome it and still hold down a job and be productive. So I'm kind of undecided about whether or not to tell my boss. But when I asked S if she had talked to the boss about this she wouldn't respond, which I take as a yes. That means my job has been jepordized. It also seems this is what S has been keeping from me all along, in spite of the fact that I have asked her out right what she had a problem with about my work.
I spoke with another friend about this and she said it seems as if I'm obsessed with S. Maybe I am. I did meet her just as I broke off another long term friendship, and I was lonely. So I know I did kind of latch on to her. I just don't know. Oh, and get this, she said she thought I knew all along what was bothering her and I just didn't care. This has been an ongoing battle for months! Why would I ask her over and over if I knew? Why would I want the work split up if I wanted to goof off? The boss didn't even realize what was going on until I brought it up.
I now feel that maybe how upset I was this weekend was too extreme for the situation. But it felt justified at the time. I do this all the time. I just get hurt so bad and cry unconsolably. I cried all day friday, sat, and part of sun, until I decided to get out of the house and be around people. That made me feel alot better. But I'm still right on the edge of freaking out.
Anyway, I know this is probably a incoherent mess, but I needed to get it out.
poster:TexasChic
thread:372303
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040802/msgs/373148.html