Posted by lil' jimi on May 4, 2003, at 3:23:23
In reply to Ummmm......, posted by Dinah on April 22, 2003, at 18:39:58
hi dinah ~-
am i misreading you
Or
are there two contrasting situations
for you?
solo
with fully functional self-gratifying contentment
Verses
accompanied,
(even thinking about which, is repulsive)
with wholesale dysfunction
driven by (perhaps?)
nausea-inducing aversion
which could be (?) induced by
pre coital/intimacy induced
panic /anxiety /terror attacks:
total strikeout.
(except for
alcohol and dissociation
induced evasion
to which you seem habituated and reconciled.)so there exist the gratification processes for solo
which you want (?) to share with another?what works (what is gratifying to you)
solo
compared/contrasted to
what would be gratifying (to you}
to share with another
yields?presupposing your companion meets sufficient standards
what part of the solo processes
can you
transpose gratifyingly to your twosome?
in your imagination, is this possible?intimate one-on-one,
things can avalanche
into coitus
exacerbating the negative reaction(s).sounds as if coitus is an (the?) aggravating / triggering event.
can coitus be taken off the menu and some (other) twosome activity be gratifying?
even in your imagination?
with an optimal (dream) partner?with another,
is it possible to imagine any of these as pleasurable?
making eyes?
holding hands?
hugs?
kisses?
heavy breathing?loss of control aggravates / triggers adverse response.
would having more control provide relief?
with an understanding partner tolerating restraints?
would enhancing your sense of dominance
be able to enhance
your ability to feel less aversion to
intimate one-on-one situations
or at least lessen the alcohol-dissociation evasive maneuvers?would it be a possible consideration to try
minimizing contact while sharing self-gratification?
perhaps
by phone?do you have any other-person
ideation
while going
solo?
is this replicable?what would you like to share with another that would be gratifying to you?
i am sorry that you struggle with this and i hope that my analysis may offer you insight and perhaps suggest strategies toward progress. i hope i haven’t offended you. it seems tragic that one must dissociate one’s consciousness from one’s moments of great(est) physical intimacy. i hope this helps and hasn’t been a painful repetition of advise you’ve already considered.
take care,
~ jim
poster:lil' jimi
thread:221574
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030426/msgs/224192.html