Posted by lostsailor on April 25, 2003, at 19:22:03
In reply to Tony's tentative trip - a thought? » lostsailor, posted by leeran on April 25, 2003, at 10:50:03
Cost is a factor, yes.
The commitment is much bigger, though...I mean how is it his fiancé, whom I have know less than a year, can be more empathetic than he. Added info---I held his hand for almost two years in school after he left/tossed out (of) the Navy on psych. terms. --Honorable medical discharge.
I also don't want to be "alone" for that week. In reality, like my analyst said it's his $$$ for the most part. I could be an as* and just promise without caring about the consequences and TRY hard but without guaranties.
On top of that, what do I do in one of the most romantic cities for a week alone. I mean prostitutes are fun and all , but...it not like "I'm leaving las vegas"--one of my favorite "love stories" It may sound perverse, but both eliz shue and nick cage really "understood" one another in ways that others could never...
Also, the Golden Gate Bridge is the # uno suicide spot in the world...fact --- I am too much an optimistic coward (is that any oxycotten--I mean moron).
And HE will NOT come see ME...I must go see him...although we get together when he comes up for family holidays and all, it's me that must "reach-out " to him....why can't he just see me as me; the way I have seen him only as him...
I am torn...I could just take a ton of valium or xanax but it's more than that---plus doc said we can go into the "special meds" if needed and of course I could call if there was a prob--so much more. I am scared and want to go when I am ready, relax with them, go riding--we are all into bikes--in the redwoods and I thought about shooting down the pacific highway after.
i know I beat on my-self but it would be so easy to look up an old concert friend from the area, have fun, prob even have se* , but that's not me anymore. Hell, maybe I could just ask Tabitha to come as a friend. If she is lucky I may even be willing to "put-out" if I remember how it's done...
Golly...
And no, you are not budding in at all and ty for the investigative work...
~me
poster:lostsailor
thread:221053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030421/msgs/222414.html