Posted by sar on October 12, 2001, at 12:36:41
In reply to mixed state or lack of discipline?, posted by sar on October 11, 2001, at 17:59:03
hello again... :)
Noa, how would i go about checking the hormonal angle. do you mean too much of a certain hormone, and which might it possibly be?
Roo & Judy, a bunch of docs have wanted to put me on depakote, "the gold standard," one said, but i read about potential hair loss/ weight gain (i know the hair-loss can be helped with zinc and selenium) and had a thread over on PB about depakote versus neurontin, and i got a well-educated suggestion that i try neurontin before a "big gun" like depakote...i'm going to ask for an increase in neurontin next week, and possibly more klonopin. sometimes i forget to take my nightly dose of K, and take an extra the next day...i *really* like those days.
re: bipolarity...it's all up in the air. i've never experienced mania, but before i was medicated (around this time last year) all i could do was lie in bed and cry, and then at night i'd jump up at get dressed up and drink a whole lot and lure someone back to my room...i drove my car as fast as it would go, i drank wine and went to a range to shoot pistols and shotguns...only somatic things mattered, i was sick of books and conversations, i just felt like screaming crying shouting laughing eating drinking fucking, those were the only important things...i had a loan from my parents to pay off some bills but i thought it would be better used on sexy clothes and bar tabs (but i was also going through a break-up, i might pin alot of this behavior on that).
finally when all of my friends hated me and i was broke i tried to kill myself and then i moved home.
my dad's aunt is BP I, she's such a hoot, i love her...my dad says that one of her symptoms is "inappropriate laughter," which i could be accused of...but maybe i just have a weird sense of humor? depression runs in my family, my dads side favored ECT and my mom's side chooses alcohol and drugs. suicide is popular on both sides.
i think i'll up my dose of neurontin before trying anything more serious...because i don't think i'm BP I, i've never felt like i was on top of the world or had special powers or things to do for the world, i had a tiny hypomanic episode coming off effexor, but it lasted less than a day.
often in high school i'd have the feeling that i just needed to leave right then, sometimes smoking a coupla cigs in the restroom temporarily did the trick, but other times i'd just ride the city bus home in the middle of the day. the truancy officers hauled me and my parents in. (rules rules...bleh...)
how does it FEEL to be bipolar II?
sorry to ramble on...
thanks again, everyone...
poster:sar
thread:12411
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011006/msgs/12445.html