Posted by dreamer on October 11, 2001, at 18:35:11
In reply to mixed state or lack of discipline?, posted by sar on October 11, 2001, at 17:59:03
> docs have thought at times that i've experienced "mixed states." regular civilians don't understand this concept and i'm doubting myself and confused...
> the situation: i was at work yesterday, at the bookstore. i've worked there full-time for 6 months have really enjoyed it, loving books and people and easy jobs and the occasional paycheck as i do.
> but every once in awhile the air in the store seems a bit turgid, i don't feel quite real and feel very ANGRY and agitated like if i can't get out of the store i'm just going to jump out of my skin. i've gone home a couple of times because of that.
> yesterday that's how i felt, really on edge, and i told my supervisor so. i told her i was in a bad mood and she told me to just not to talk to anyone. i told her that's not what it was about, she asked if anything bad had happened and i said no, she said that everyone gets into bad moods and you just have to deal with it. by this point, i was wringing my hands and felt like pulling my hair out, spitting nails then going for a long walk.
> my supervisor told me that if i left, i'd get an "occurence" which would be the last straw for me 'cos i was already on Final Written Warning for tardiness/absences. so i could stay, leave and get fired, or just straight-up quit. i chose the latter.
> i walked home 4 miles, bar-hopping the whole way, and i cried really hard. they were nice when i signed all the forms to quit, cool people, but then a dam in my throat broke and i sobbed hard as i walked down the highway, i don't know why, i cried cried cried like i haven't in awhile.
> i've spent today wondering if i should have just sat it through at work. is this just lack of discipline, willpower? i know i wouldn't have *really* pulled my hair out, but when i get into these agitated moods i have to whatever i feel like doing--which usually involves leaving, crying, drinking, sacrificing whatever (like a job i like) just to be OUT.
> is this normal?
For me it was normal walked out of so many jobs crying running home to drink....can't xplain it..
ain't been working for years .
Something bout having to stay in one place for certain time not having freedom, one job I just paced couldn't relax felt trapped, but in own environment I'm ok .
Mixed state? ---very energetic laughing high but irritable angry at everythin.