Posted by Wendy B. on October 11, 2001, at 22:56:20
In reply to mixed state or lack of discipline?, posted by sar on October 11, 2001, at 17:59:03
> docs have thought at times that i've experienced "mixed states." regular civilians don't understand this concept and i'm doubting myself and confused...
> the situation: i was at work yesterday, at the bookstore. i've worked there full-time for 6 months have really enjoyed it, loving books and people and easy jobs and the occasional paycheck as i do.
> but every once in awhile the air in the store seems a bit turgid, i don't feel quite real and feel very ANGRY and agitated like if i can't get out of the store i'm just going to jump out of my skin. i've gone home a couple of times because of that.
> yesterday that's how i felt, really on edge, and i told my supervisor so. i told her i was in a bad mood and she told me to just not to talk to anyone. i told her that's not what it was about, she asked if anything bad had happened and i said no, she said that everyone gets into bad moods and you just have to deal with it. by this point, i was wringing my hands and felt like pulling my hair out, spitting nails then going for a long walk.
> my supervisor told me that if i left, i'd get an "occurence" which would be the last straw for me 'cos i was already on Final Written Warning for tardiness/absences. so i could stay, leave and get fired, or just straight-up quit. i chose the latter.
> i walked home 4 miles, bar-hopping the whole way, and i cried really hard. they were nice when i signed all the forms to quit, cool people, but then a dam in my throat broke and i sobbed hard as i walked down the highway, i don't know why, i cried cried cried like i haven't in awhile.
> i've spent today wondering if i should have just sat it through at work. is this just lack of discipline, willpower? i know i wouldn't have *really* pulled my hair out, but when i get into these agitated moods i have to whatever i feel like doing--which usually involves leaving, crying, drinking, sacrificing whatever (like a job i like) just to be OUT.
> is this normal?
it's normal for people like us... (!)
i'm so sorry. this even on top of the probation and fines... this thing with the job did not have to happen, you liked the job... i'm outraged at your boss. not only insensitive, but probably has violated the Americans with Disabilities Act. you told her before you were sick. so she knew of the disability, even if you didn't specify what it was, which you don't have to do according to the law. and she is supposed to make an *accommodation* for you, *because* she knows you can get 'sick.' so if you say you can't breathe, she has to make an allowance for that. she could have said, just as easily, and with no harm to the business: 'just go for a long walk outside, and then come back,' or something to that effect. her attitude really pisses me off. heyyyyy - my bipolar added to your bipolar could get us in some real trouble.....
i know, you and susan say to yourselves: why bother with jerks, you're never going to change them or the situation. and probably not. another equally bipolar attitude is: 'let 'em fire me, i'll be back to file a huge great big long complaint,' when shit like this happens. they are in the wrong, not you. you liked the job, for god's sake... the boss is at fault.
i'm sorry, sar, i really am...
PS: BTW, re: judy's response, i think you need more neurontin, can the pdoc up the dose? remember, nutty people like me take the big ol' 600 mg horse-pills, and i take 'em 4 to 5 times a day. stay calm, stay cool... there are *other* fucking bookstores in town...