Posted by Kristi on September 29, 2001, at 21:34:34
In reply to Re: Getting it all out » Kristi, posted by paxvox on September 27, 2001, at 12:47:21
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In a nutshell.... to all have responded, thanx. I know all this to be true. It's exactly what I tell a person going thru the same thing. I just can't get a handle on it. It's like, I have a psychology degree.... never went into the field because I couldn't figure myself out... wouldn't dare take the chance of messing someone else up. I know exactly whats wrong with me, what's going on... how to fix it... I just can't.
To be honest with you pavox... your a great guy, wish their were more like you(my brother is one) but their arent. And believe it or not... I wish I didn't love at all.... compared to the hurt. It won't go away.... I miss this guy obsessively.. I just want to know if he's even alive. I know everyone hates to get rejected. I have talked to my therapist... and myself.... I just wish I can apply what I've learned. I don't know how much of you have followed my other posts, probably all archived now, about what's going on in my life... but it all just adds to it. All the sudden I'm also loosing friends left and right because I don't have the courage to let them see me like this. It just all.... sucks.
Thanks for your encouragement and words... everyone. I mean it. Kristi
Oh, this can be a tough answer, but I'll take a swing. First, I guess, be happy you DID have those years of loving bliss, some never get a day. That being said, let's look at some solutions. You could try to find your closure through several counsellor-assisted processes, namely EMDR and hypnotherapy. The therapist would deal with your loss (because that's really what it was) as a tragic event in your life that needs to be healed. I know this may sound hokey, but it has worked for a lot of people, especially those with PTSD. Are you involved with someone now? I have had those "true loves" at least twice, one unrequited. I still have dreams about one girl I haven't seen in 25 years (how's that for holding on!). Do you think there are "soulmates"? I don't know the answer to that question. I know there were times that I was so deeply in love that my heart flitterpated whenever I saw her. Oh, those were beautiful days. Would I have done without them to avoid the loss? No. Every emotion, event, day of our life is another layer of the fabric that makes us the people we are. To put it philisophically, how can you really appreciate great joy w/o having had great sorrow? I would say, cherish those memories. Do not blame yourself for the loss. You were not the problem. However, at the same time, you need to move forward, everpresent with the knowledge of the past. We are what we are.
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> PAX in space
poster:Kristi
thread:11796
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010927/msgs/11927.html