Posted by Greg A. on June 19, 2001, at 11:41:01
In reply to Re: Am I just too depressed to committ to anyone? » Greg A., posted by Marie1 on June 15, 2001, at 22:14:20
Hi Marie
Did I respond to one of your posts awhile ago? What was it about?
I don’t mind the questions at all. I figure if I don’t talk about my feelings . . . well that’s a big part of my problem to begin with. So – no – I don’t feel ‘in love’ with my wife anymore. Or not in nearly the same way as it used to be. With kids, time just seems to pass by with no real changes. Certainly not changes for the better as we just seem to get farther apart.
How did your depression seem to start? It’s very hard for me to be definite about a start. I don’t think it had anything to do with my relationship with my wife. But it has affected our relationship. My wife has exactly the same thoughts as your husband – what if I realize that she is part of my problem? I don’t think it’s so much a fear on her part that I will leave. It’s a worry that we will stay together and be unhappy, especially after the kids are grown.
Like you, I seem to be looking for something. I am cautious about what I think I see in other women as I mentioned the other day in my post. It’s so easy to overlook the flaws and think that something new is better.
My doc says we have to work at our marriage and has suggested a number of things to try. By the way, my doc is a woman, and has seen us jointly on a number of occasions. She usually sides with my wife, but not always. We don’t really go and complain about each other but we have tried to get some things out in the open. It’s something we should be continuing on our own but the pressures of everyday life seem to leave little time or energy for it.
I like your thought of ‘riding it out.’ When you’re depressed is a poor time to make major life decisions. What comfort you think you may get from leaving a relationship or from a new one may not last long and be accompanied by much stress and second guessing. Be honest with your husband. Let him know how you are feeling – without beating him up too badly. Is there anything he could be doing to make you feel closer? Even if the news from you is on the bad side, at least he will feel you are close enough to confide in him.Greg
poster:Greg A.
thread:6456
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010611/msgs/6554.html