Posted by Greg A. on June 26, 2001, at 12:00:11
In reply to Love, cont., posted by JennyR on June 26, 2001, at 10:07:06
Jenny – you are opening a big box of emotional garbage for me with this question. Yes I do feel an absence of strong emotion as far as love is concerned. But I think for me, the absence of emotion relates more to my upbringing than to symptoms of depression or side effects of meds. I grew up in a family where strong emotion was not the thing to do. It was a sign of weakness or childishness. I got that from my mother. I carried that misconception for a lot of years and held back strong feelings of joy, love, anger, sadness. I think that inability to express emotions is part of my depression. It’s almost like I am afraid to feel strongly because I don’t know what will emerge. So I numb myself. I am trying to work on this by recognizing it and talking, but admitting to it is not quite the same as dealing with it. Dealing with it requires that I surrender and give up the pretense of a cold detached ‘strong’ person. Admitting to it means I plead guilty but may have no real remorse or shame or intent and will to change. Right now I’m stuck. I hope to find the next step soon.
poster:Greg A.
thread:6456
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010622/msgs/6818.html