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Re: Am I just too depressed to committ to anyone? » Roo

Posted by Wendy B. on June 19, 2001, at 9:08:57

In reply to Am I just too depressed to committ to anyone?, posted by Roo on June 15, 2001, at 11:38:51

> But also, the feeling of anxiety and
> doubt about the relationship still plagues me. It's almost
> all I can think about. I don't know if it's just the stress
> of the transition.

It sounds like the stress and worries were already there. My initial thought (sorry, just read all the posts to your query today) is: what meds are you on?? Seriously. You should not have to live through such anxiety... I went thru a BAD breakup earlier this year, and had some Xanax (alprazolam) to help out on the really rough days. Also, just getting the right anti-depressant does help. It also sounds like you're "ruminating" or obsessing... there are meds for that, too, such as the Xanax or other benzos. You don't have to live like that, sweetie... Talk to the doctor about it again...

>Good common sense tells me to at least
> give living together a good chance, 6 months or so. But it's
> so hard to live with the anxiety. (But then it didn't go
> away the last time I left either). Argh.

I think your conversation with Glenn just really shows you have no passion for this guy. He sounds so very good and nice, but you need more. Let him go, he needs to find someone who really loves him too, he deserves it, and you want the best for him. You can't help the way you feel.
It'll be hard on his family, too, but they aren't the ones IN the relationship, they won't and don't suffer as much as you or your boyfriend. (I _hate_ it when parents say stuff like, "This hurts us more than it hurts you..." No, Mom, it doesn't!)


>I'm just thinking
> am I just too scared to committ to ANYONE, does my depression
> leave me too self absorbed and tired to truly love anyone, or
> to be able to be what it take to be in an intimate relationship?

It may very well - FOR NOW. But that doesn't mean forever. You need all of the things you and Glenn talked about, friendship, respect, passion, etc. You don't want to settle for "comfortable," this is what your boyfriend represents to you. He's the kindest person you have known, yes, but are there other people out there, for later, when you have your head more together? The answer is yes. But you have more work to do on yourself, it seems, and being in a relationship is emotionally very time-consuming. Work on you for now, see about other men later...
You don't mention jobs - what do you do for work? Maybe you need to switch focus from what the relationship needs, to what you need to feel good about yourself? It's all very hard to do, especially when you have a history of neglect. The religious commune thing your parents did to you sounds awful. There must be a lot of pain there...
So go slowly, and don't make any big life-decisions right now, except for telling your boyfriend you both need to move on, I really think he deserves to know. Also, don't forget to check on your meds, and let us know how you're doing...
A big hug to you,
Wendy


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poster:Wendy B. thread:6456
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010611/msgs/6550.html