Posted by Kristi on June 15, 2001, at 18:55:44
In reply to Am I just too depressed to committ to anyone?, posted by Roo on June 15, 2001, at 11:38:51
Wow.... that story was alot like mine in a nutshell. I explain it as I have to concentrate on myself and my health right now. I'm not able to put enough into a relationship that it entails and deserves. My boyfriend asked me to marry him last week.... I said no, and he's crushed. I often wonder, if he's maybe just not the one.... but I really don't want to be deeply involved with anyone right now!!!! Kristi
> I've been seeing my boyfriend for over 2 1/2 years.
> The first year, I was ecstatic. I thought I'd finally
> found the one. I was very happy, and couldn't believe
> my good fortune. He's a wonderful, handsome, caring man.
> Shortly after we got engaged, I started
> have some anxiety and doubts. I frequently discussed
> them with him honestly, but they never seemed to abate,
> but only to intensify. I struggled with whether I was
> just scared, or whether he just wasn't the right guy
> for me after all. My doubts became more and more intense
> and I felt as if a hand reached inside the faucet of my
> heart and just turned it off. I broke up with him rather
> abruptly. We stayed broke up for 4 months, and I continued
> to have the anxiety and sorrow. I started to wonder if he
> wasn't really the cause of the anxiety, that maybe it was
> something inside of me, some sort of deep rooted fear of
> intimacy. I asked him if he would be willing to go into
> counseling with me, and he agreed. We ended up getting
> back together and are still in counseling. The counseling
> helped a lot, and the anxiety subsided some (though not
> completely), and we decided to move in together. We've
> been living together only a month. During that time my
> long time cat buddy died of cancer. I've been depressed and
> anxious. At first I thought it was my cat and the stress
> of moving and the newness of living togehter. I still think
> it may be that. But also, the feeling of anxiety and
> doubt about the relationship still plagues me. It's almost
> all I can think about. I don't know if it's just the stress
> of the transition. Good common sense tells me to at least
> give living together a good chance, 6 months or so. But it's
> so hard to live with the anxiety. (But then it didn't go
> away the last time I left either). Argh. I'm just thinking
> am I just too scared to committ to ANYONE, does my depression
> leave me too self absorbed and tired to truly love anyone, or
> to be able to be what it take to be in an intimate relationship?
> Or is this just the wrong person? I guess only time will tell,
> and no one can really know but me, but if any feedback or
> similar experiences come to mind, I'd really appreciate it.
poster:Kristi
thread:6456
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010611/msgs/6461.html