Posted by shelliR on May 28, 2001, at 13:27:47
In reply to Re: Friendships and other problems Mair » shelliR, posted by mair on May 28, 2001, at 7:19:26
Hi Mair. I do understand your dilemma. I think you are saying that for your friendships to have meaning that friends must understand about your depression, because it is such a large part of your life.
I guess I have become more socially superficial than I used to be. The New Years Cards I sent were very light in tone. I don't think I was trying to repair relationships, just sort of bring them up to the present. Basically just trying to have people back in my life to share things with when I am feeling okay--going to art museums, movies, dinner, etc.
I don't really know how to talk about depression, and I think you're right that people don't really want to hear too much about it, anyway. I think it makes us all feel helpless. I basically only talk about depression with my therapist, with a mention here or there with a few friends about new meds I'm trying etc. I think friends serve to get me out of myself, and for me that is good, when it is possible. Some friends came to visit me in the hospital, and that felt nice, sort of like of course they knew, but mostly I would tell stories about the craziness and paradoxes in hospitals. I guess there is some part of me that feels like I must be entertaining as a friend. And I am a good story teller in general and have a wide range of interests so I kind of keep the conversation at that level alot.
I have lost friendships through the years, and I do think my intensity had a large part in that. Also unrealistic expectations. So maybe I am just trying something different for me. Also like you, I have to put so much time into work, that work becomes my priority when dealing with time.
I think for me the operative word is "mention" in dealing with depression. I don't want to be living a lie, but for me somehow "mentioning" depression, rather than engaging in discussions about my depression seems the most comfortable place for me.My neighbor has cancer (chances are very good that she'll fully recover). At the beginning when she told me, I wanted to keep talking about it because I thought that's what she wanted. But after about five minutes, she said, S., can we talk about something else--I'm really tired of this being the focus of everything. Now when I see her she keeps me updated on how many chemo sessions left and when she starts radiation, but that's just a few minutes of each conversation. Last time we talked mainly about the castle birthday party she did for her four year old, which I could tell she felt really good about. So maybe that's sort of how I feel about depression.
Is it because your depression impacts your family so much that you feel that to understand you, your friends must also understand the depression?
Shelli
poster:shelliR
thread:6181
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010526/msgs/6209.html