Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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Re: Psychology assessment

Posted by alexandra_k on September 27, 2013, at 0:22:49

In reply to Re: Psychology assessment, posted by alexandra_k on September 27, 2013, at 0:10:26

He always wanted me to feel that pain in session. And he'd be right there, sitting leaning forwards on the edge of his chair. With me. In the pain.

And... I didn't like it. That feeling. And I didn't know how I felt about him being there with me. Partly it felt obscene. Inappropriate. But partly it pulled me a little way out of myself... Or out of the situation... Or out of the feeling... Or something... His just being there. Being calm about it all. Knowing... That the pain was important.

And he would just let me talk... About whatever. And mostly he didn't say an awful lot. But he was always on the look out for when I'd finally shut the f*ck up and just feel it.

But I couldn't seem to put it away outside the session. I'd spend most of the rest of the day curled up... Stuck in that feeling. Over and over... Or looking for stuff to read to help me make sense of it...

Not working.

Or I'd get to the gym. And I'd always end up getting carried away. Intense session. Then sleep... Comatose sleep for the rest of the day.

I think it did help the pain be a little less outside the session. When I'd feel it... I'd kind of feel him there... And It would help. Kind of. That someone accepted that I did feel like that. And it didn't freak him out or whatever. And he didn't have to fix it. But that he wanted to be there with me. Through that. Partly it helped.

But then he didn't think of me outside therapy really at all... And I guess the real problem was that I couldn't put it away. Why can't I dissociate better? If I'm supposed to be so good at that? I don't understand.

How can I get myself into better ritual / routine? I don't know.




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