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Re: Psychology assessment

Posted by alexandra_k on September 27, 2013, at 19:35:07

In reply to Re: Psychology assessment alexandra_k, posted by Twinleaf on September 27, 2013, at 6:12:17

thank you twinleaf.

i am feeling better today. i am working, today. i get into it... and i feel good. about myself. about life. i don't know why i can't get into it sometimes... top down control of attention. sigh.

one of my friends just got a 1 year post-doc at a very good medical school doing work as part of an inter-disciplinary team on modelling. holy f*ck. happy for him! happy for philosophy more generally! (you don't need to go to medical school people keep telling me... what do you want to go to medical school for? people keep at me...)

i think...

i perhaps wasn't entirely honest with my t in Aussie and that was the problem there. i didn't tell him how much our sessions really took it out of me. like, for the rest of that day at least. so... seeing him twice a week... what we did was a bit too intense. i... didn't have coping skills properly in place.

i have trouble with the whole dbt thing because of the terminology that is cultish etc etc etc. but the general idea of it... of priorities: suicidal stuff, therapy interfering stuff, (other stuff to be arranged)...

well... obviously... i need my work to feature there. if i'm not getting appropriate amounts of work done then the session needs (painfully) to stay focused on that and not go any deeper until my work is getting done again. functioning... needs to be a priority.

and part of it is about my using the skills.

9 months. was what i got out of dbt. and only got the skills for 1 run through rather than 2. i'm like 'that is cool' - i mean most public education is sooooooooo f***********ck*ng paiiiiiiiiinfully slooooooooow. but this is different. anything involving the attachment system is.

i get it now.

i've been hurt a lot during times of emotional intimacy. hit. or sexually abused. or whatever. so i freak out when there is emotional intimacy. i want it... but it freaks me out. so i can't really handle it. that was what my t was trying to do. exposure. getting me to be there in the moment with him. and he just had to... not hurt me. not freak out. and he was good like that. calm. and he didn't take it personally when i freaked out and ran away etc etc etc.

but it was too much.

i guess the idea of hospital is to speed up that initial part of the process and really keep an eye on you to get you functioning. i see the sense in it. if (of course) the clinician is planning on sticking around to do the work after... i don't know what (if anything) i'll get here...

but i guess i should talk to her about this. and yes... about the over-bridge. because... well... neither of us want anything like that to happen.

it might be that i'm too sick for psychotherapy. we will see.




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