Posted by alexandra_k on September 29, 2013, at 22:57:47
In reply to Re: Psychology assessment » baseball55, posted by alexandra_k on September 29, 2013, at 22:41:37
I get stuck in the freeze / startle. Part of me inside. I feel it and it is just kind of stuck there. Like a sore toe or something. There. I can't distract myself from it or anything. It is just there. I just want to curl up around it into a tight little ball and maybe rock... And I just feel it... That feeling... And there are tears but they are mostly silent. And the pain comes and goes. Sometimes wailing... Like the wind when there is a storm. And sometimes tears like the rain. But this pain... And that is all there is. I can be stuck like that for hours... For days...
And I don't know how to put it away and do other things. Get on with life. Write. Do other stuff. I don't know.
If I had external structured thing to be doing... I think I would do them. I just can't bring myself to get into my work. I don't have the will / resolve. Like getting up in the mornings. If I have to get up to get to a class or something I'll do it. Otherwise... I feel tired. So I go back to sleep / doze. Even though what is good for me is to get up and make coffee... That my state will change if I just get up... Get up... I can't find the will. I get stuck.
I've done a little bit of work... But mostly I feel stuck. It is amazing... In hospital... I usually manage to get quite a bit of work done. I'm not sure what about it is facilitating. In the evenings... Because there are issues around my having a computer on the ward... Either I can use it in my room in the evenings or I can use a room in the evenings or I can get leave to go work in the main part of the hospital... I can get quite a lot done... But the daytimes... Are mostly about the pain... Then gradually being vulerable with vulnerable people... Hanging out with them... Peaceful and quiet and sensitive... Unobtrusive. That is the word for the day.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1051233
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20130807/msgs/1051444.html